Forbidden Desire

If I was already nervous because it would be the first time I would accompany him to one of Jihoon’s events, now that I knew he wouldn’t be here to help me prepare, everything seemed even worse.

“Oh, great! That’s really great!”

I left the kitchen heading to the bedroom and sat on the bed, letting the tears roll because I simply couldn’t imagine myself without Jihoon, and knowing that I would be two weeks away from him left me completely devastated. I know that for many, it might seem silly, but lately, because of the hormones, I was crying over everything. Luckily, Jihoon already knew about it, so he just came to me, taking me in his arms and gently swaying me from side to side.

“Hey… It’s going to be okay! You’re stronger than you think, and even though you say you can’t do this without me, I know you’ll win the contest. And you know how I know? Because you’re a warrior! Despite everything you’ve been through, you’re still standing, fighting for what you want.”

I shook my head with tears in my eyes, and he kissed all over my face, trying to calm me down.

“I can’t do it alone, Ji… I need you with me!”

I said, and he sighed deeply while looking at me, seeming to think about what to do.

“Look… Let’s do this then. I’ll go to Japan today, and meanwhile, you try to stay well here as much as you can… I’ll leave a private jet at my disposal, and if you feel like you can’t handle it, I want you to call me and tell me to board the plane, and I’ll come to you right away, okay? I’ll drop everything there and come to be with you!”

He said, holding my face in his hands, and I ended up laughing amidst the tears.

“Would you really do that?”

“Hey… I would do anything for you!”

He said with such certainty that all my doubts seemed to vanish, and I smiled before kissing him. Reluctantly, he had to pack his suitcase, and I helped him before we returned to the kitchen where we had coffee with Jason. They argued a bit about the baby’s room that Jihoon wanted to decorate in a space theme while Jason said that something too colorful could overstimulate the baby, making it difficult for him to sleep. I just listened to the argument with a smile on my face because even though they disagreed, they did it in a peaceful way, and the fact that they were getting used to each other made me feel more relaxed as that would be essential in raising the baby. They also started discussing a name for my boy, but they were soon interrupted by Jihoon’s manager who had arrived and the fact that Jason had to rush to the company, so we all said goodbye, and I was alone in that huge apartment.

I must confess that Jihoon’s absence left me completely depressed, even though I was trying to be strong, but I was surprised when at night his sister knocked on the door with a smile on her face and a small suitcase in hand.

“Did you really think my brother would leave you alone?”Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I smiled and hugged her because Dami was always very friendly and welcoming to me, her presence cheered me up, and soon she was making popcorn for us to watch some movies. But soon we heard the doorbell again, and I was startled before going to the door and finding my aunt also carrying a small suitcase.

“Aunt?”

“Jason said Jihoon had traveled and you were alone, so he gave me two weeks off to come stay with you.”

I smiled widely and hugged her, bringing the older woman inside excitedly.

“Wow, you don’t have two men, you have two watchdogs. Can you believe they had the same idea? Good thing there are plenty of rooms in this apartment. Let’s have a girls’ night! Men are not allowed in this house!”

I laughed at her enthusiasm, and I must confess that their presence made my heart warm. Knowing that Jihoon and Jason cared about me to this extent was comforting, and I confess that they made my days much lighter. Being with them was great, but of course, when I went to bed, it was almost impossible to sleep without Jihoon. Without his presence, I was having trouble painting, and every moment I spent in the studio that I shared with him, I was staring at his paintings, remembering all the times we painted together and ended up doing nothing. I had already finished the work I did for his solo album, and the album would be released on the day of the awards ceremony where he would perform. So since my painting for the national competition was ready, I just focused on college and the assignments given during those two weeks. When the day of the awards ceremony arrived, I picked up the phone several times to call Jihoon and beg him to come, and now that I was here, getting dressed to go to the Seoul Arts Center to present my painting, I was trembling, but I closed my eyes and called him. After three rings, he answered with a worried voice.

“Love? Is everything okay? Do you need me to come back?”

Hearing his voice disarmed me, and I felt like crying and saying yes, but I just took a deep breath and went over all the times I needed him and how he had been my sun. I laughed because I didn’t know how much a color could completely change my life, and that color was orange.

“No… I just called to tell you that you were right… I can do it!”

I said joyfully as if I had taken a weight off my chest, and even without seeing him, I knew he was smiling.

“Of course you can, my love! Your talent will bring that prize to you, and you don’t need me or anyone else to succeed. You’re amazing, Jane! I believe in you!”

Hearing all that made me smile and gave me the strength I needed. He was right, and in the end, these days away from him taught me a very valuable lesson. They taught me that I was okay alone, that I could keep living and moving on with my life even without someone by my side, which was great to help me work on the emotional dependence I had first created with Jason and now with Jihoon. But these days also showed me that even though I no longer needed Jihoon, I wanted to be with him, and that was very enlightening for me. That night I stepped on stage to compete with the top five artists in the country with pride and gratitude.

I felt strong, capable, and filled with something I never thought I would have, self-love. When they announced my name as the winner of the hundred thousand dollars prize, I could hardly believe it. Everything I had dreamed of was now coming true before my eyes, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I thanked everyone for the opportunity and made a short speech after accepting my prize, and when I got off the stage, still unable to believe that I had made it on my own, I picked up the phone and called Jihoon, telling him everything that soon overflowed with happiness with me. I couldn’t be happier because this was the first time I felt like this was an achievement of mine. I wanted to take advantage of Jihoon not being here to try to stand on my own feet, so much so that I didn’t want Jason to come because for the first time I wanted to feel like I didn’t need anyone else to win, and I did it.

On that day, I almost didn’t sleep out of happiness, and when the day Jihoon returned arrived, I couldn’t be more anxious because now I was more certain than ever that I wanted to be with him, and when he walked through the living room door, I ran to him excitedly, but I froze completely when I saw that his orange strands were now dyed a blood red that completely paralyzed me. I had always seen Jihoon as my sun, protecting me and illuminating me in an almost angelic way, but now with this hair color, he looked like fire where I wanted to burn, and when I managed to think, I went to him, jumping on him and crossing my legs around him while devouring his lips with voracity, desire, and lust.

“Wow, if I knew you were going to greet me like this, I would have come back earlier.”

“Take me to the bedroom now, Ji… I need to have you inside me!”

He groaned at hearing me say that and began to walk with me in his arms to the bedroom, but before we could leave the living room, I heard my sister-in-law’s voice coming from the kitchen.

“Did my little brother arrive?”

She appeared there with my aunt, and they smiled when they saw us clinging to each other like that.

“I think we’re interrupting, Miss Dami…”

We smiled, and I got off Jihoon’s lap, trying to take my eyes off him, who, if possible, looked even more beautiful.

“But we have to interrupt because the company owner called saying there’s a limousine coming to pick you up in twenty minutes because you, Jihoon, need to rehearse and meet the new trainees of the company, and you, Jane, are going there with him for Jihoon’s stylist to fix you up.”

I smiled nervously and just shrugged.

“Whatever God wills!”