Forbidden Desire

There is nothing more dangerous than the way women are raised,” she mused, her voice carrying a weight of experience. From childhood, we are taught to behave like princesses, we are taught that love has the power to resurrect you even after eating a poisoned apple, it makes you believe that someone will love you so much that he will go around the kingdom with a crystal slipper testing all the maidens in the hope of finding the girl in the blue dress that he has fallen in love with. Ever since we were children, we’ve been taught that there’s nothing as powerful as love and that we all deserve a Romantic partner. The problem is that it doesn’t really work like that. There are charming prince, and I’m sure Jason is one of them, but they usually end up with villains. In fairy tales, good always conquers evil, but in reality the bad girl ends up married to the prince while the real princess serves French toast in an attempt to bring a spark of color to the grey days of the prince she fell in love with.

Today I found this out the hard way. Seeing Jason in bed with Jinhee while I held that tray of fresh French toast trying to make him feel the same way he did on a Christmas morning after the whirlwind of emotions he experienced yesterday was a way of showing how much I wanted to make him happy. After he kissed me yesterday, I felt like I was flying high, as if I could touch the sky with my hands, and today, when I had that shock of reality, I understood the phrase “Never fly too high because the fall can be bigger” and it was. I fell without any equipment, without a parachute or at least a rope to hold on to, and now I couldn’t control my tears as the scene replayed itself in my mind.

He cried and apologized to me, but how can I blame the wind for the damage done if I was the one who left the windows open? How can I say it was his fault if from day one I fell in love even though I knew he was married and in love with his wife? He never made me any promises or hid his feelings for her for even a minute. Even though I knew I’d fallen, I jumped and now there’s not a bone left that isn’t broken, not a trace of the fantasy I created when I dreamed so high imagining that one day someone like me could have someone like him.

Even with all the pain from my sprained ankle, it didn’t even come close to the pain I was feeling in my chest. They say you can’t feel pain in two places at once, and now that my heart is broken I seem to have anesthetized my foot, because even with a limp I got out of there as fast as I could. I passed through the living room, because I didn’t want my aunt to see me like that, and now I was walking aimlessly. I just needed to get out of there and even though I didn’t know anything about the city, I needed to get away for a few hours from the atmosphere of that house where a stone had been placed on my chest and I could barely breathe. I was sobbing so hard as I practically ran through the gates of that mansion and my eyes were so watery that I could barely see an inch in front of me. I was so desperate that I bumped into someone, almost knocking them over. I quickly bent down apologizing and was ready to keep running when the person I hadn’t recognized came up behind me and stepped in front of me.

“Jane, what happened to you?” His voice, though concerned, was gentle, a soothing presence amidst the chaos of her emotions.

I had only seen him once and even then my despair was so great, I was feeling so alone that, without being able to think much, I hugged him as the tears rolled down my face more and more insistently. Eunji didn’t react for a moment and then hugged me as tightly as he could.

“Hey, it’s okay. Calm down! I’m here!” His arms enveloped her, offering a sense of security she desperately needed.

He stroked my back as he held me, rocking me gently from side to side like rocking a baby. I can hear his heartbeat and at the moment it seems to be the only thing I can concentrate on. I inhale his scent of clean clothes, and slowly I feel as if I’m catching my breath, as if I’m drowning and he’s saved me. Gradually the storm that was ravaging my heart turned into a light breeze and when I felt that I was feeling a little better, I pulled away a little to look into his face. When he smiled at me, his eyes smiled too, and they had a shine as intense as the sun that made the clouds that had taken over my mind evaporate in the face of that warmth.

“Feeling a bit better?” His voice was soft, filled with genuine concern as he offered her a comforting smile.

I nodded yes, and he reached into his pocket for a cotton handkerchief and used it to dry my face.

“That’s it! That’s better! Whatever happened is over!” His words were reassuring, his demeanor calm amidst her turmoil.

His voice was calm and the smile in his eyes didn’t seem to want to disappear.

“Thank you.” She murmured softly, gratitude lacing her words.

“Where were you going in such a hurry?” His concern remained palpable, his gaze unwavering.

“I don’t know. I just really needed to get out of here.” Her voice trembled with emotion, tears still lingering in her eyes.

My voice was choked with tears, and he kept gently rocking me back and forth.

“Why?” His question hung in the air, gentle yet probing.

I lowered my head and he just changed the subject.

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” His understanding was evident, a silent acknowledgment of her pain.

“Thank you. What are you doing here?” Her gratitude was evident, mixed with curiosity as she looked up at him.

“I heard from my brother that you’d hurt yourself and needed to rest, so I took advantage of the fact that I had today off and came to bring you the subject the teacher taught in class yesterday and see if you needed anything.” His explanation was accompanied by a warm smile, his presence a source of comfort amidst her turmoil.

My heart warmed as I looked at this boy, he exuded kindness and security.

“Thank you so much! You’re so sweet!” Gratitude filled her voice, her eyes reflecting the sincerity of her words.

He blushed, and I couldn’t help but smile at his reaction. We kept staring at each other and finally seemed to notice that we were hugging in the middle of the street and moved a little away. He looked around trying to disguise it and ran his hand through his hair shyly before saying,

“So, do you still want to get out of here?” His offer was tentative, a gesture of kindness amidst her pain.

“Very much!” Her reply was immediate, gratitude evident in her voice.

“Then come on! Lean on me so as not to force your foot.” His concern for her well-being was evident, his offer of support unwavering.

He supports me with one hand and wraps the other around my waist. We stand side by side, and he quickly hails a cab so that I don’t have to walk too far.This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.

“Where are we going?” Her curiosity was piqued, her gaze searching his face for answers.

“You’ll see!” His response was cryptic, a playful glint in his eye hinting at surprises to come.

After a while, we arrive at Seoul Forest, a beautiful park with fields of tulips, rivers with crystal-clear water and I get out of the car, letting the fresh air fill my lungs.

“Come on!” His excitement was palpable as he opened the door for her, gesturing towards the lush surroundings.

He opened the door for me and helped me out.

“But first wait here!” His directive was accompanied by a mischievous smile, hinting at secret preparations.

He went into a small restaurant at the entrance and some time later returned with two bags.

“Let’s go!” His grin was infectious as he beckoned her forward, his enthusiasm contagious.

When we reached an area where the grass was very green, he opened his backpack and took out a towel lining the floor.

“Do you carry a picnic towel in your backpack?” Her amusement was evident, a smile playing at the corners of her lips.

He shrugged.

“What can I say? I come here a lot!” His nonchalant demeanor belied a deeper appreciation for the beauty of the park.

We sat there admiring the field with tulips of different colors, and he opened the bags and took out two Dak Galbi, a kind of chicken with spicy sauce.

“This is the best in town. I always eat it when I come here.” His enthusiasm for the dish was evident, his eyes alight with anticipation.

“It’s superb!” Her appreciation was genuine as she took in the aroma of the spicy chicken dish.

“What’s your favorite Korean food?” he asked, curiosity sparkling in his eyes.

“I haven’t tried many, but Kibimbap holds a special place in my heart,” she replied with a smile. “It reminds me of Brazilian cuisine a mishmash of flavors atop a bed of rice.”

His laughter was infectious, and she found herself chuckling along with him. The ease with which they conversed, the shared laughter and genuine connection, eased the ache in her heart ever so slightly.

“Next time, I’ll cook Jajangmyeon for you,” he offered with a grin.

“A man who can cook,” she teased, impressed by his culinary skills.

“More than that, a man who loves to cook,” he corrected with a playful wink.

“Yumi, I already want to try it! Where did this passion come from?” she inquired, genuinely curious about his culinary journey.

“Well, my mother always worked a lot. She didn’t have time to cook, so I was forced to eat Jin’s food, which wasn’t very good to say the least. So I started learning from the cookery books my mother had, and I kept learning. When I moved out on my own, I didn’t cook as often because it was discouraging to cook just for myself, so whenever I meet someone I like, I take the opportunity and cook for them.” His explanation was accompanied by a shrug, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

She smiled at his candid response, a warmth spreading through her as she listened to his story.

“Oh! So you liked me?” she teased, a hint of flirtation in her voice.

He blushed, his smile widening as he met her gaze. In that moment, surrounded by the beauty of nature and the warmth of his presence, she felt a glimmer of hope amidst the ruins of her shattered dreams.