Chapter 12
Nina’s POV
I was beginning to see a similarity in my story and that of Daisy’s. We were both at a young age when the responsibility of a mother fell upon our shoulders. We were left to birth and train up the child with the father nowhere to be found.
“Why do women have to suffer the pain alone when the pleasure was between two genders?
The only difference between Daisy’s story and mine was that Amar and I were in love. It was love at first sight.
The sexual tension was obvious. I became restless the moment I entered the conference room and I saw him. He was too. The chemistry was obvious to almost everyone in the room.
We spent the night in the hotel close to where the program was held. It was a construction work program and my father’s friend was the chief host. I convinced my dad to let me attend so I could have an understanding of how it works. I told him I wanted to use the experience for the book I was writing and he allowed me.
I went to the office for two days, helping the secretary with some errand jobs while I asked her several questions. It was on the third and the fourth day I saw Amar.
On the fourth day, which was the last day of the event, I couldn’t sleep. I kept tossing in bed with his thoughts. I couldn’t stop thinking of him, his hair, and his voice.
Then I heard a knock on the door. Amar was at my doorstep and he requested for us to talk. I allowed him in but we couldn’t talk like he intended. Instead, we grabbed at each other’s clothing. I was clumsy and I let my clothes fall to the ground. He was shy too.
When I was left in my underwear, he tore them in a hurry and we fell on the bed, kissing and caressing each other, desperately with my body emitting heat.
When he realized I was a virgin because I was weeping out of pain when he first entered me, he wanted to get off me but I pulled him to me. We had sex all through the night.
He confessed his love for me before he drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t sleep as I took pride in watching his cute sleeping face with a huge smile on my face. I didn’t know when sleep overtook me. And when I woke up the next morning, he was gone.
But not without dropping his contact.
Amar left for India with my heart, body, and mind. I admitted the feelings I had for him to myself and summoned up the courage to call and tell him what I felt.
We couldn’t talk because he was at work and he promised to call me back. I couldn’t take the night off my head. It became a regular nightdream for me.
When he called me, he told me how much he missed me and we laughed over our clumsiness that night. Before he could disconnect the call, I confessed my love for him.
I asked if he was ever going to come back to America someday and he went silent. That was when I knew it was a lost love.
At first, I thought it was the distance but I was willing to go over to India to meet him. That was how much I loved him and he loved me too.
But reality dawned on me when he informed me of his betrothal. I couldn’t believe it at first. He admitted that it was against the tradition of his people not to marry his betrothed even if he doesn’t love her.
I asked if he loved her and his reply was, “Nina, you are the only woman my heart beats for. I don’t love Lakshmi.”
I believed him. And I accepted my fate. I was in love with someone I can never be with and he was with someone he doesn’t love.
He informed me that their wedding date has been fixed for the next week after I just discovered I was pregnant with his child.
I didn’t want to look like I was desperate for love and desperate to be with him so I waited till after the wedding before breaking the news of my pregnancy to him.
He was mad at me for not informing him before tying the knot with Lakshmi.
I wallowed in self-pity, imagining what it would feel like to be Lakshmi, to be married to Amar. I wished I and Lakshmi could trade places but it was impossible.
My first book was ready to be published when I found out about my pregnancy. I felt like my dreams had been shattered.
What would people say of me? I asked myself. How can I face the world on the day I plan to launch my book? Would they laugh at me for being a single mother? Would they be discouraged to buy my book when they find out I am pregnant and not married? Those were the questions I kept asking myself.
My father disowned me when he learned of my pregnancy and I took shelter with my mother. Father said he was ashamed of me. My father and mother got separated because dad was toxic. They married out of love. Mother took me in and took care of me till I gave birth to Damien and that was the beginning of success for me.
A few hours after Damien’s birth, my editor called to inform me that my published book was ready for launching and that has been my stepping stone to success. I had become unstoppable ever since then, with my mother’s help.
I launched my second book on Damien’s first birthday and two more books before he clocked five.
Amar and I were still communicating and he always made sure to congratulate me on every launch I did. I always send him the picture of his boy every birthday.
When Damien clocked 10, Amar promised to come for his birthday in America. On that day, I had gotten prepared to meet him, the love of my life and the father of my baby but Amar didn’t show up.
It was on that day that Lakshmi gave birth to their first child, Yashmi. He called to inform me and told me he won’t be able to make it to America. I was mad at Amar for not coming and I cried.
Damien cried too because he had anticipated his father’s visit. He told all his friends from school that his father was coming. The party ended on a sad note and when Amar called again the next morning, I refused to give him a listening ear.
For a whole month, I refused to pick his calls. I didn’t reply to any of his emails and I stopped sending him Damien’s birthday pictures. I was angry at everyone, including myself. For loving him
too much.
How could he? I couldn’t deny the fact that I envied Lakshmi. I was angry at Amar for many reasons. He never told me Lakshmi was pregnant. They were married for 10 years with no child. I believed Amar couldn’t bring himself to have sex with her.
He never said that but that was my assumption. I was hoping he would never touch her and then one day, he would come back for me.
But I was wrong. I was bitter. I began to detest Lakshmi.
We stopped communicating because I felt he wouldn’t have touched her if he wasn’t in love with her. I was being childish. I thought Amar would love me till the end. I was wrong again. Lakshmi won and gave birth to a boy two years after their first child.
He was happy with her so I gave up. I began to go on dates. But none of those men were like my Amar. None of them say sweet words to me as Amar does. None of them made me clumsy and uncomfortable. I always talked to them with confidence.
None of them made my heart beat wildly as it would burst out of my chest. And none of them kissed me as Amar did.
My heart ached and my body craved for his touches. I poured out all my hurt, pain, love, desire, and cravings into writing.
That was the only thing that made me happy and fulfilled apart from Amar’s touches.
It was just a night but that night changed everything about me. It changed my entire life, bringing success my way, a cute boy to call my own, and financial freedom.
Amar and I reconciled after 5 years when Damien turned 15. Then I began to send him Damien’s pictures again.
When Damien turned 20, Lakshmi and I spoke on the phone. Her English wasn’t fluent like Amar’s but I was able to comprehend what she was saying. She even asked me to slow down when I was telling her about my next book.
We both laughed and I began to talk slowly, asking her after each sentence if she understood what I was saying. I spoke to Yashmi and Rajiv too and they called me auntie. I loved the way they pronounced it and I told them I loved them.
Even though I still loved Amar, I knew it was a dead-end for us to ever be together again. Lakshmi was a lovely woman and she deserved a good man like Amar. I tried to move on but it was hard. Then I concluded that I was destined never to get married.
When a solicitor asked me out, I went on two dates with him which I found boring. On the third date, we ended up in bed. But I didn’t enjoy it.
My mind was on Amar. I was reminiscing about the night with Amar. After that night with the solicitor, I stopped picking his call.
He was the second man I had sex with.
My love for Amar was a lost love but I didn’t regret it. He gave me a beautiful gift and that was Damien.
That was why I insisted that Damien go to China for his University studies, to get him to meet and bond well with his father, before coming home.
Amar got an appointment in China two years before and I’ve always had it in mind to allow Damien to go there when he graduates from high school.
Amar was glad when I told him Damien would be going to school in China a week before I informed Damien. Amar told me that everything was set for his studies in the University and I had to call Damien to come home from New York.
I really hope they will bond well.
“You look familiar”, Daisy muttered after she woke up. She was sleeping all alone with me beside her, along with my thoughts.
I smiled. “I’m Nina.”
“I’m Daisy James. Do you know me?” I shook my head.
“Ok. When did the doctor say I would be discharged?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Nothing. I just want to know”, she said and I nodded, without saying anything.
“You look deep in thoughts. What’s the matter, Mrs. Nina?” She questioned with a worried expression.
“Just call me Nina, I’m not a Mrs”, I laughed.
“Ok, Nina.”
“I was trying to connect your story with mine”, I smiled. “We have a lot in common.”
“Really? Do you read books too?” She demanded.
“Uhmm, yeah and I write books too.”
“Wao! That’s my dream.” I could see the excitement on her face.
“Really?”
“Yes.” I beamed.
“You have what it takes to be a great writer. Your life stories are enough to give you ideas and inspiration”, I pointed out.
“Yeah.” She mumbled.
“So I have decided to take you home with me”, I said.This content belongs to Nô/velDra/ma.Org .
“What?” She exclaimed in surprise.
“I love the way you called me mom. I’d love to be your mom”, I concluded with a big grin on my face.