Ex-Husband's Regret



My heart aches at the pain that's still embedded in her voice. I get why she's still in therapy. Ava hasn't yet healed completely.

I look back and put myself in her shoes. I never questioned why my parents were how they were towards Ava even before she and Rowan messed up. I just went along with how things were. I didn't ignore her, but I also never went out of my way to make her feel included.

After the mess with Rowan, I was too heartbroken and drowning in my own pain to care about how cruelly they treated her. In my head, I rationalized it by saying that she deserved it.

"I wasn't the best older sister growing up, was I?" I ask slowly, as the weight of my mistakes continue to hit me.

"It's okay, and it doesn't really matter. I was also not the best little sister and I ruined everything. I love Noah, I really do and I'd never regret him, but I do regret the night he was conceived. I never meant to cause you so much pain, Emma. Please believe that."

I blink back the tears, trying my hardest not to let them fall. She reaches out and grabs my hand before squeezing it. When I look up, she's also fighting back her tears.

"Why are you being nice to me? I was terrible to you after I came back."

I was puzzled. I did everything to cause trouble for her. She should hate me. She should be glad karma got me.

Ava gives me a watery smile. "Because even though I hated how you treated me, I understood where you were coming from. It wasn't intentional on my part, but fact is, I slept with your boyfriend. The guy you loved. You had a right to be angry. You had right to hate me. Your emotions towards me were valid given I loved and wanted him even knowing he was taken. I was young and immature, but that's not an excuse. I should have been better. I should have done better... and that will always be my biggest regret."

I squeeze her hand. Needing an anchor to tie me to the present. To stop me from drowning in a sea of loss and pain.

"I'm sorry, Ernma. More than you know. I look at everything and I wonder if things would have been better if I'd let go. Maybe then you, Calvin and Gunner wouldn't be in so much pain. Maybe everybody would have gotten their happy ending. I'm so sorry. I ruined your life and I don't even know how to help you fix it."

We both bawling by this point. The only good thing is that we were hidden in our safe nook.

I hated that she carried such a burden. She didn't deserve to carry the weight of my mistakes. Calvin and Gunner? How I treated them was my decision. She shouldn't be carrying the burden of the outcome.

"It wasn't your fault, Ava... and I don't want you to think it is. You have nothing to do with my choices or my mistakes."

"But my actions led you to those choices, so no matter how you look at it, it's still my fault."

"No, it's not," I tell her firmly, wiping my tears.

"Yes, it is."

"It's not."

"It is."This belongs to NôvelDrama.Org.

"It's not"

"It is"

"Oh for goodness sake, will you just drop it?" I throw my hands up in frustration. "Can't you just accept my fucking answer"

She glares at me, but there isn't any heat behind it. "Way to ruin the moment."

"I did not"

"You did"

We scowl at each other, then burst out laughing. We laugh so hard that we hold on to the table for support. We are weird. One moment we were crying and the next we were laughing. Something is wrong with us.

"This is nice," Ava says after we've both calmed down. "We should do this more often."

She's right. It was nice. I never expected to have Ava as anything other than my arch nemesis, but today proved that maybe a friendship can blossom. She understood my pain in ways I doubt anyone ever will.

"I'd love that."

After that, everything just feels easy. We eat ice cream. We talk and we laugh. We spent almost three hours in that cozy shop and I loved every minute of it. After, I went home feeling more alive than I have in a long time.