FORTY-FIVE
I am on my way to aunt Laura’s house. I prefer to meet Carmona than to go to the hospital and stay with Lauren and Hendrick. I’m annoyed and I’m only hurt by what I see in them every time they are sweet.
I have nowhere else to go and I don’t want to go anywhere. I would like to be with Dylan, otherwise, he would only tease me. I know this is not the right thing to do but I need someone that I can talk to me right now.
I hate this fucking situation. When I thought it was ok suddenly something like this happens. I don’t want to talk to my family because they won’t understand me. And Carmona is my only option. I know that she will listen to me.
I saw her beside the pool. She was not with anyone and she was sitting in her wheelchair while looking at something. And I will assume that it’s our picture. She has already admitted to me that that is all she clings to and she has also shown it to me.
As I said, what I did is wrong but I need her right now. She still hasn’t lost her love for me but I’m here to find someone to talk to about the girl I love. And the one I chose to stay with is the one who loves me. This is so fucking insane—-but I know she will listen.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” She immediately greeted me while pushing the wheelchair when she saw me outside the gate. She can operate the wheelchair by herself even without support.
“Are you busy?”
“No, come.” I entered and stood behind her. I grabbed the wheelchair and pushed it so she wouldn’t press. “Why are you here?” she asked me as I pushed her.
“I need someone I can talk to. You were the first person I thought of going to.”
“Let’s go to the garden,” I placed her next to one chair and there I sat next to her wheelchair. “Dale.” She held my hand so I looked at her.
“I just need someone. I don’t like the hospital and I feel out of place there.”
Carmona and Lauren are ok. They met and even cried because Lauren felt sorry for Carmona’s situation. Lauren doesn’t remember about us so she also doesn’t remember that she’s mad at Carmona. A good thing I guess.
“When will she get out?”
“Tomorrow or next day. But Hendrick will take her.”
“And where will she go home?”
“To me.”
“Good because she’s your wife.” I gave a loud sigh and then bowed. I can not think of anything to say. “For sure she will remember you.” I just sighed again because of her answer when she suddenly grabbed my hand and gently squeezed it. “Everything will be ok.”
“I miss her so damn much.” She put her hand on my back while I was breathing steadily. “Why is it that out of all the things she can forget, why me?”
“There’s a reason for everything.”
“For me to get hurt?” I asked looking at her. “Is that it?”
“I don’t know. But I know God has His reason.”
“To hurt me over and over again.”
“Dale.”
“Why am I always hurt and left behind?” I can’t help myself. I don’t know what happened to me right now and I hate it.
“Dale, calm down.”
“You left me, Lindsay hurt me, and now that I thought I would be happy this happened. Why? Don’t I deserve to be loved and appreciated?”
“Dale, that’s not true. You’re worth loving.”
“I loved you,” I emphasize. “Even though I know it’s wrong and I know it’s not possible but I know I love you too. You promised you wouldn’t leave me but why did you disappear?”
I know I’m stupid but it’s true. I loved Carmona then, or if you call it love. But what happened to us? She left me. Add to that what they imprinted in my mind, what we did was wrong, I made myself believe that Lindsay was my first love. And I took my anger out on her. Because that’s what I keep hearing.
Anger is not really because of what she did to me but anger because of her loss. Fear not because she enslaved me, but fear because I might get close to her again and suddenly she will disappear again.
“Dale, I’m sorry.”NôvelDrama.Org (C) content.
“You made me believe you wouldn’t leave me, you made me believe you were there for me. That no matter what happens, you will never leave me. Apart from what we do, you are there to support me. But why? Why did you leave me?”
“You know the reason, and I admit it’s my mistake. I shouldn’t have done that and then just disappear. But if I was given a chance to correct my mistake. I will stay with you and guide you. I am sorry.”
“I need you at that time. I felt alone when you disappeared. I do not know what to do. You trained me to be there and in an instant, you disappeared like a bubble.”
“Dale, I’m sorry. I am sorry if I leave you.”
“I did not accept sorry.” I pull her and hold her face. I was about to kiss her when she pushed me.
“Dale!” I look at her. She avoids me kissing her lips.
“Why? You said you love me? Then let me kiss you.”
“Stop it, Dale.”
“You lied, you lied when you said you love me.”
“That’s not true. I do, I really love you, but—-”
“Then kiss me. Let me kiss you.”
“Dale, stop.”
“Why? Why don’t you want to kiss me? You told me not to kiss anyone on the lips because when you kiss them, they will own you. You will give them the authority to dominate you. Now kiss me and I am willing to be your submissive again. Own me and tell me what to do and I will follow you.”
“Dale.” She held my hand. Next my face. “Listen to me. I am sorry for making you a beast. For feeding you malicious and wrong info. I don’t want to kiss you or I don’t want you to kiss anyone because I want you to kiss the girl you love on the lips when the day comes. I’m sorry. I was so lost that I couldn’t properly explain all the things I wrongly imprinted on your mind. I didn’t correct it. Forgive me.”
I leaned back on the chair. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I just want to kill myself and die. I am hurt for many reasons and it all started because of what happened to Lauren. Because she doesn’t remember me. And what’s worse is that they are ok with that bug again.
“Dale, I know you’re sad. I know your hurt, but I believe that she will remember you.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shown it to you. I shouldn’t be here.”
“No worries, I understand. At least here I can make up for you.” And she tapped my hand. “Everything will be alright.”
“Thank you for listening.” She smiled at me.
“I am a friend. I don’t expect to be with you anymore but I want you to know that I will love you until the end. I’m happy there. I’m glad we’re ok. I can’t ask for anything more and I’m contented.”
I stand and hug her. I close my eyes and feel embraced and somehow I feel ok. She tapped my back slowly.
“I will be a good friend until the end, Carmona”
“I will treasure it forever in my heart, Dale.”