Camera Shy (Lessons in Love Book 1)

The morning after Cass’s party, I walk into my kitchen to see Lennox making coffee. She’s in baggy sweatpants, with no makeup.

I yank on the shirt I’m holding and let my groggy eyes catch up with me. I had a hard time falling asleep. I called Avery about ten times before her phone either died or she shut it off. It took all my self-control not to go banging her door down. I’m still not sure if I made the right decision. Doesn’t a woman want a man willing to move mountains for her? Or is that controlling? Fuck. My favorite thing about Avery is that we can talk, and now, after one stupid party, I’m second-guessing everything I say.

“Lennox, why are you here when you’re sick? Oh, shit. Did I forget about an appointment?” It’s Sunday… I never book clients on Sundays.

“No,” she says, grabbing the cream from the fridge. “No clients today.”

“Then why are you here spreading germs in my kitchen, instead of resting in bed? I could’ve dropped off food today.”

“I’m fever-free, Finny. I’m just still tired. But I needed to get out of the house today. How was the party? Is Avery still sleeping?” She nods down the hall toward the bedroom.

“She’s not here,” I mutter. I stare at the coffee pot dripping, letting the look of pain on Avery’s face last night flash through my mind.

“Did something happen?” Lennox asks, leaning back against the counter and studying my face.

“Last night was a dumpster fire floating down shit’s creek. That’s the only way I can describe it.”

“You and Avery fought?” she asks, raising her eyebrows, clearly accusing me. I shake my head.

“Not really.”

“Jesus, Finn. Save the dramatic build-up, please. What happened?”

I breathe out and shrug. “Let’s see… I went down on Avery in the limo, then Morgan bought her a drink and tried to tell her I’m cheating on her with Nora, so I clocked him, and I would’ve done much worse, but Avery ran off scared right into the champagne room with Cass. I caught them making out and everything was fine until I joined in, but the minute I touched Cass, Avery must’ve come to her senses and ran out of the room crying, ditched me at the club, and now she won’t take my calls. So…yeah. Dumpster fire.”

Lennox is gawking at me.

Yup. Just let all that soak in.

“I miss one party,” she mumbles. “And I really didn’t need to know about the limo part.”

“I realize. I just wanted to mention it because it was the only enjoyable part of the evening,” I snark.

The coffee maker beeps and I proceed to fill a cup. I don’t bother with cream and sugar. I let the hot brew burn my tongue.

“So Avery is sexually curious—”

“No, I think Avery is confused because of her ex. And it’s my fault.”

“I’m going to get some coffee, and then I need you to be a little less cryptic.” Lennox silently fills a cup, douses it with my oat milk creamer, and takes an exaggerated sip. “Ah, much better. Now, explain.”

“Remember the thing you used to tell me about Nora? The tire patch thing?”

Lennox tolerated Nora for years, for me. But she always warned me that we wouldn’t work out because I was patching a tire instead of replacing it.

Nora had so much damage from her prior relationship, that she probably needed therapy. She needed to move to a new city and get away from Morgan entirely. A real fresh start. Instead, for a long time, I just did my best to patch all the tiny holes in her heart, thinking if I worked hard enough, I could save her. But at the end of the day, I was patching the tire Morgan punctured over and over again. We should’ve started fresh, but she just couldn’t do that with me. It was too messy. Too many lines were blurred. We never stood a chance.

“What if I’m doing the same thing with Avery?” I ask.

She cocks her head to the side. “I didn’t get the impression that Avery’s in love with her ex.”

I shake my head. “Me neither, but she’s loyal to him. She’s not willing to walk away from the business. Maybe I shouldn’t push her to pick me. That’s exactly what I did with Nora.”

“How can you compare them? Avery’s nothing like Nora.”

I shrug. “She’s just as insecure, but unlike Nora, she doesn’t punish other people for it. Avery’s graceful, sweet, strong, and considerate. And don’t get me wrong, I think being vulnerable is a good thing, but I think she needs time to work on herself. Whether or not she admits it, she’s still hurting over her jackass ex. Neglect is just another form of abuse and he strung her along for years. That would fuck with any woman’s head.”

Lennox takes another sip of her coffee, carefully considering her words. “I don’t understand, Finn. Everybody has a past. Why are you blaming yourself for this?”

I set down my cup and rub my hands over my face. “Because I’ve spent all summer trying to show her how to have a hot sex life like it’s the only answer to a happy relationship.” I tap my temple. “I planted that right here in her head. It wasn’t what I meant to do, but I didn’t know I was going to have such strong feelings for her.”

She turns down her lips and nods slowly. “You’re right. You’re a pig.” She shrugs. “Summer’s almost over. She’ll move back home. Let her go. You can go back to fucking like a man whore.”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, it was pretty inconsiderate of you to just give her exactly what she asked for. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

I purse my lips at her. “Really? You’re going to try and reverse psychology me?”

She pokes out her tongue. “Not at all. I’m just saying Avery deserves a guy who is willing to fight for her and make it work no matter what. Ups and downs. Grow together. Change together. Communicate. If you were the real deal, you wouldn’t be here moping and giving her space. You’d be on both of your knees at her doorstep, begging her to be with you. Obviously, that’s not you.”

I deadpan, “You’re annoying in the mornings.”

Lennox flashes me a toothy grin.

“And I told you, Avery doesn’t want to move here. How can we be together? I can’t just pick up the studio and move it. I have more ties to Vegas than she has to L.A.”

“So what, Finn? She’s not ready to move her entire life after knowing you for what? Nine weeks? Deal with it. If you think she’s something special, make it work. Do long distance and take the time to prove yourself. You’re not your dad. She’s not your mom. Stop boxing everybody into good guys and bad guys. That’s not how life works. People are messy. People make mistakes. Some people are worth just going through shitty dumpster fires with because there’s something great on the other side.”

Lennox disappears down the hallway into my bedroom and returns with my phone in her hand. She hands it to me. “Look, you have a missed call from Avery.”All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

I look at my phone and see she called ten minutes ago. Long after I gave up on trying to contact her last night. Maybe Cass was right. She just needed some time to think. I suck in a deep breath. “What do I say?” I ask Lennox. As much as I think I understand women, it’s hard to think straight when I feel like this. Caught up, nervous, scared to lose her, but scared to let her get too close and repeat history.

“Just tell her you guys can start fresh. No sex deals. No conditions. No ultimatums. Ask her what she needs from a relationship. And tell her what you need too. Then find a compromise.”

“Were you always this wise?”

She clicks her jaw and winks. “Yes. Just thank God you’re finally listening.”

“All right,” I say, “carry on.” I shoo her away with both hands. “I’ll call her right now.”

“Uh, no, my friend.” Lennox makes a face like I’m ridiculous. “I’m staying right here so you don’t fuck this up. I’m invested now. Put it on speaker.”

I place my phone on speaker and call Avery back. It barely rings once.

“Hey, Finn? Is that you?”

Lennox’s mouth gapes open and my heart sinks ten floors. I know that voice so well, but it’s not Avery’s.

“Nora?”

“Yeah. Hey.”

“Why are you answering Avery’s phone?”

“She forgot it in the car last night when we left the club.”

“She left with you?”

“Yeah. I just got it charged. Can you believe her passcode is one-one-one-one?”

“Nora, don’t go through her phone—”

“Calm down, Finn. I’m just trying to return it. Yours was the only number I knew. Do you want to meet me and come pick it up for her?”

Lennox scoffs. “Uh, no. I’ll come get it,” she interrupts.

“I’ll stop by Avery’s to let her know,” I mutter.

“She’s not home,” Nora responds. My jaw twitches in agitation. I’m trying not to jump to conclusions, but all of this seems very calculated at the moment. “We stopped at Dex’s and then took her to the airport. She caught a flight last night.”

“A flight where?” I ask. “What did she say to you?”

“Finn, I’ll come by with the phone in just a bit. Okay? I’m on my way. We can talk…about everything.”

Nora ends the call and I look at Lennox in disbelief.

Lennox waits for me to say something, but I don’t. Mostly because I’m having a mild panic attack. What the hell could Nora have told Avery that made her book a last-minute flight?

I thought we were okay…

Fuck.

Lennox wanted to stay, but I told her it wasn’t necessary. I’m not sure what Nora thinks is going to transpire, but I can almost guarantee it’s incorrect. She’s sitting at my kitchen island with a hopeful smile on her face.

“Nothing happened, Finn. And I didn’t throw you under the bus.”

I give Nora a once-over. She looks a little thinner. She always loses weight when she’s around Morgan. It’s stress.

“Do you want water?” I ask, pulling two bottles from the fridge. I slide one her way. “Out of curiosity, what the hell would you have to throw me under the bus for?”

She drops her eyes to the counter. “That’s not what I meant. I just told her that Morgan has a long history of poking your buttons. And you’re not the violent type. Thank you, by the way.”

“For what?”

“Not putting him in the hospital,” she replies. “I know you wanted to. I like to think you refrained for me.”

“No, I refrained for me.” I have two choices right now. I can blow up at her and be an asshole for manipulating me and the circumstances like this, but all that would do is prove I’m not over us. And believe me, I’m over it.

“May I have Avery’s phone?” I ask.

“Oh, yeah,” she says, reaching into her purse and sliding it over. “It’s fully charged. Someone named Mason keeps blowing her up about some big meeting that got bumped up.”

I quirk one brow. “You went through her messages?” I feel a twang of guilt, wondering if Nora saw all the flirtatious, dirty messages Avery and I have been sending each other for months, but why do I need to hide it? Avery is my good thing. She’s not a secret. I’m not a two-timer. Despite how determined Nora was to make me one.

“No, I didn’t. Just the notifications have been popping up like crazy. I thought someone died.”

I flip the phone over, face down, so it’s not a distraction because I’m tempted myself. I want to know that Mason is only texting Avery about business, but I can’t violate her privacy like that. That’s the worst way to start a relationship; I know firsthand. And now that I have what she came for, I want her to leave.

“I know you’ve wanted to meet up and talk for a while. But I don’t have anything new to say, Nora.”

“Finn, look, I know it’ll take a long time to build up trust again. I get that. But I really am sorry about everything. I’m here—whenever you’re ready. I can be patient. Morgan and I are done for good this time. That’s why we fought at Cass’s birthday. I saw you, and I just knew…I’m never going to stop loving you.”

“I’m glad—”

“Me too—”

“No, I’m glad you’re done with Morgan, and I hope you mean it this time because he doesn’t deserve you. But neither do I—”

“Yes, you do, Finn. You’ve always been good to me, and I know I didn’t appreciate it at the time.” She reaches over the kitchen island separating us. The gold bangles on her hand jingle as she holds out her hand. But I don’t take it.

“What I mean is I deserve better.”

Her eyes instantly fill with tears, and I’ll admit that it hurts to see her cry. I’m not a dick. I loved this woman for a long time, and I don’t like seeing her pain. I hate that I’m causing it. But for once I have to put myself first.

“Things with you and Avery are going to fizzle out, Finn,” Nora says with a new tone. “You freaked her out.”

She’s baiting me. “What did she say to you? Where is she?”

I went over to Dex’s house to make sure Nora wasn’t lying to me. Avery is indeed gone. Even the back door is locked, which is the smart move if she’s leaving Dex’s house unattended. But I also know Avery would never let a job go unfinished. Dex won’t be home for a few more weeks. I know she’s coming back.

“She said Las Vegas is overwhelming and she doesn’t like it here. She went to go get her best friend who just lost her job…Polly something—”

“Palmer,” I correct.

“Yeah, she’s just flying out to Albuquerque to meet her, then they are driving back to Vegas together. They’ll stay here for a few weeks, and then she’s going home, Finn. She wants to go home. She didn’t tell you any of this?”

I’m not sure what hurts more. To officially hear this news from Nora, or the fact that Avery told Nora all this in the first place.

“No, she didn’t.”

“I can wait until things settle down, after summer so you and Avery can have a clean break, and then we can pick up where we left off.” She looks around and chuckles. “I can fix this place back up because you’ve turned it into a man cave. Where are the curtains I picked out?”

“Nora, whether or not Avery and I work things out—which let me be clear, I really want to work it out with her—you and I are done. It’s not that we can’t fix what we broke. It’s that I don’t want to. I know what it feels like to connect with someone in a new way now, and I can’t go back.”

“No.” She sniffs as she wipes her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m not giving up on us.”

I tap the counter with my fingers as I watch her tears drip from her face to her lap. Tears that have controlled me for too long. “I’m about to go on a run, so I think we need to wrap this up.”

It’s a lame excuse, but it’s better than get the fuck out of my house.

I grab Avery’s phone from the kitchen counter and slide it into my pocket just as a safety precaution. I know I just hurt Nora’s feelings. Who knows what she’s capable of? It’d take one picture of her in my home while Avery is away to give the very wrong impression of what this is.

I don’t even bother grabbing my headphones. I don’t need them. I just need a brutal run in this heatstroke weather to melt away my frustration at the moment. I pause at the entry closet after retrieving my running shoes.

“Nora,” I say as she passes me, lacing up my shoes, “I promise you, the minute you let the idea of us go, I mean really let it go, someone so much better for you is going to come your way. You’re going to be happy again. I know it. Take care, okay?”

She walks out the door without a response, likely shocked that she didn’t get her way.