By Sin I Rise : Part One (Sins of the Fathers Book 1)

The dog fights were absolutely unnecessary, especially because tonight we didn’t even have any visitors who could bet on the outcome. This was solely for Earl’s and the club’s entertainment. When I was a kid, Earl had forced me to watch the dogs tear each other apart but by now I was old enough to stay away. Gray wasn’t as lucky. Earl still thought he needed to harden the boy by making him watch this sadistic spectacle.

I tried to ignore the sound of the fighting and watched Marcella instead. She was sunken into herself, cupping her ears with her palms. She’d surprised me today. I wouldn’t have thought she cared for anything but herself. Seeing her help Satan by risking her fingers had done something to me I couldn’t quite explain.

It was close to midnight when Cody and Gray led the surviving dogs back to the kennels while Earl shot the ones that were too badly injured. Marcella sat up when Satan limped into the kennel and rolled up on the ground. Cody said something to her that made her face twist with disgust.

I straightened, ready to rush down there and ram my boot into Cody’s ass. He was pissing me off more every day and unlike Denver, he seemed content to ignore my warnings. His interest in Marcella was getting out of hand. Finally, he walked off in the direction where Earl always shot the dogs, probably to watch eagerly. Marcella said something to Gray and he shrugged.

I narrowed my eyes, wondering what they were talking. She said more and Gray nodded then he headed to the shed with the dog food and grabbed a handful. I tensed when he handed it to Marcella through the bars, but she simply took it without trying anything. Gray headed back up to the clubhouse, looking pale.

“What did she want?”

“Dog food for Satan.”

“And?”

“That’s it. She asked me if I was okay because I looked sick,” he said, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

“Tell Earl you don’t want to watch.”

“I did, but he doesn’t care. Today was really bad.” He shook his head as if he didn’t want to think, much less talk about it.

“I need to drink myself into a stupor,” he muttered and disappeared inside.

I resisted the urge to go to the kennels for a few minutes but then the draw was too strong. Marcella looked up when a twig broke under my boot. She kneeled beside the bars and tossed food at Satan who ate it but was obviously too exhausted to stand and go closer.

“It’s barbaric,” she seethed. “She’s bleeding. There’s a tear in her ear and muzzle.”

“If those are her only injuries, the other dog’s probably dead,” I said. Satan was Earl’s favorite for a reason. She was big for a female, and since she had a litter, which Earl took from her right after birth, she was a vicious fighter within the ring.

“She shouldn’t be forced to fight against other dogs.”

I watched her, not saying anything. The moonlight made her skin glow and her hair shone like petroleum, but what really made her gorgeous in that moment was the caring expression she had for the dog. She slanted me a look, tossed the remaining food toward Satan, and cleaned her palms on her pants before she got up. She approached me with a look that made my fucking stomach flip. She grabbed the bars and peered up at me. “People who enjoy dog fights usually enjoy torturing humans too. I don’t trust Cody and Earl. Do you?”

I laughed. “They are not my enemies.”

“Cody sure is.”

I shrugged. “I can handle Cody.” I didn’t trust Cody, and I trusted Earl to some extent.

“He’s not going to stop coming to the kennels. He’s drawn to me. He can’t stand being rejected. Eventually, he’ll take what he wants, Maddox.”

I knew she was right, but I couldn’t let her make us out to be allies. We weren’t. She was the captive and the daughter of my worst enemy.

She leaned even closer, her voice low. “Do you really want to come down here one day and find out he forced himself on me? Do you want that on your conscience?” I gritted my teeth. “Could you really live with yourself if Cody took what you deny yourself?”

I jerked back, my pulse racing. Her words seemed to sink into me and fester.

“Don’t—” I warned but didn’t even know how to finish the sentence. I whirled around and stalked back to the clubhouse.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Marcella Vitiello was trying to lead me around by the balls to save herself, and I had half a mind to let her try. I risked another glance over my shoulder back at the kennels as I headed toward the clubhouse. She was still pressed up to the bars, watching me. Her hair was a mess and her clothes had seen better days but she looked as if it was exactly meant to be like that, as if she were staging some fancy post-apocalyptic Vogue photo shoot. I gritted my teeth and tore my eyes away. It became harder to ignore her, to forget her. My dreams were completely out of my control by now and after what I’d seen today, things would certainly not improve. But my cock was the least of my problems. Cody’s horniness was the real fucking problem. Seeing her naked would give him a ton of new fantasies he was going to follow up on at some point. I couldn’t let that happen. The reasons for my need to protect Marcella were fucking irrelevant. All that mattered was to get her out of danger. Her father would pay for his sins—not his daughter. Maybe she was spoiled and had led a good life thanks to his rotten character, but that didn’t warrant a punishment, and I was certainly the last person who should judge a person’s blood money.

Pacing the porch, I smoked two cigarettes before a plan formed in my mind. It was risky on so many levels but the only other thing I could come up with was letting Marcella go and hell would freeze over before that happened. She was our ticket to Vitiello’s demise.

I put out my cigarette in the overflowing ashtray and went up to my room, determined to talk to Earl in the morning. After dog fights, he wasn’t in a state to discuss anything with him. I perched on the windowsill. Marcella’s words repeated in my head. What if he takes what you deny yourself?

Fuck. I would spend the night watching over the kennels again.

After a quick power nap in the morning, I went in search of Earl, but didn’t get a chance to talk to him because he sent me out to collect money from one of our dealers. Luckily Cody wasn’t around, so I didn’t have to be worried for Marcella. I’d just have to hurry the fuck up.

When I came home late in the afternoon, Cody’s bike was already parked in front of the house. I dismounted my Harley quickly and jogged up the path until I spotted the kennels. Marcella sat next to the bars and was talking to Satan from the looks of it. The dog was stretched out beside her, only the bars between them.

Reassured, I went inside. Following the sounds of bullets hitting cans, I headed through the backdoor and found my uncle in his favorite rocking chair, shooting at cans on tree stomps. His cut with the stitched words President of the Tartarus MC hung over the backrest. As usual, my chest swelled seeing it. One day I would wear that cut, would lead our club. For a long time, I hadn’t considered it an option, had been certain Gray would follow in his father’s footsteps, but three years ago Earl had told me I and not Gray would be the future prez of Tartarus. I had been more than a little surprised, and Gray had been devastated, but Earl was a stubborn asshole and wouldn’t change his mind once he’d come to a decision.

Earl glanced over his shoulder then he kept shooting at the cans. “Don’t stand behind my fucking back, it’s giving me a fucking itch.”

I sank down in the rocking chair beside his but firmly planted my feet on the ground to stop it from moving. I hated the monotone back and force. I preferred to make progress. The feeling of bridging hundreds of miles on my bike, that was the kind of motion I liked. Well, there was one back and force motion I didn’t mind…

“Spill. You’re fucking with my aim.”

“Have you made more plans with the girl you haven’t told me about?” I asked.

Earl’s face pinched angrily. “If I have, you’ll find out when I see fit, boy.”

I nodded grudgingly. “I thought this was our plan, our chance to get revenge on my dad’s murderer. I thought we were in this together, but now you’re doing your own thing.”

Earl sighed and leaned back in his chair, the gun balancing on his thigh. “You’ll get your revenge, don’t you worry. We need to use the Vitiello brat as long as we have her, really drive her father to the brink, see that Italian asshole crumple bit by bit.”

I braced my elbows on my knees. “You got it,” I said then smiled twistedly. “That’s why I want her in my bed.”

Cody, who had stepped outside without me noticing, let out a disbelieving laugh. “Right.”

But I ignored him and just continued, “Nobody has more reason to get revenge than me.”

Earl regarded me curiously and lit his cigarette. “Why the change of heart? Didn’t you say she’s just bargain, and we shouldn’t hurt her. Now you want to drag her into your bed?”

I had absolutely no business protecting her. Her father had killed my father brutally before my eyes, but I couldn’t allow Cody to get his hands on her. “Not dragging anyone,” I said with a grin. “Girl’s been flirting with me like crazy, probably trying to get on my good side. I suppose she’s used to getting what she wants by using her tits and cunt.”

“I bet she is. She’s got great tits and a pretty cunt as far as I could see so she’s got plenty to work with.”

I lit my own cigarette, allowing my grin to become dirty. “If she wants to influence me with her pretty cunt, who am I to deny her? Especially when it’ll piss Vitiello off.”

Cody’s face became more and more frustrated. “Be careful not to fall into her trap. I bet she’s led more than one man around by his dick.”

Earl still watched me. His poker face was one I’d learned to be wary of.

“Don’t worry. My hatred for what her father’s done will help me. I sure as fuck won’t be led around by my dick, but if she wants a good biker creamin’, who am I to say no?”

I chuckled to myself, grabbing my crotch.

Earl let out his raspy laugh. “Horny as fuck. For all I care, you can fill her holes as long as that’s not messing with our plan. You’re the one who deserves some Vitiello cunt, like you said. I won’t forbid it. But watch your back. I’m sure the pretty face is a mask and the cunt will stab you in the back the moment you don’t pay attention.”

Cody crossed his arms over his scrawny chest. Maybe he should restrict his physical movements to bench press instead of fucking every available pussy in the club. “I think it would be only fair if each of us got a go at her. We’re all in this. I don’t think it’s fair if only Mad gets his dick wet.”

“Mad had to watch his father and his club brothers being ripped apart by Luca Vitiello and risked his fucking hide trailing and kidnapping Marcella. How’s that unfair?”

Cody turned to Earl. I listened to him trying his damnedest to get his dirty hands on Marcella, and while Earl shook his head, I wondered how much longer he’d deny Cody’s request. Keeping the mood good in the club was one of the main tasks of a prez. So far none of the other club brothers had openly asked for a go at Marcella but if Cody started spewing his bullshit that might very well change. He was like a fucking bulldog when he wanted something.

But if anyone got cozy with her then it was going to be me.

“She’s not a pass-around. I won’t hand her around like a trophy. That’s only going to lead to more arguments among you perverts. I won’t have fights because someone had ten minutes more with the whore. As long as it’s only Mad getting his bonus after all the shit Vitiello has put him through, everything will be good.”

Cody looked as if he’d swallowed a bitter pill but he didn’t dare bug Earl more. His face made it clear the topic was settled for him and he wanted his fucking peace to shoot cans.

I sent Cody a smirk and nodded my thanks at Earl before I stalked away to tell Snow White the good news.

My heart was beating like a jungle drum. I was fucking ecstatic, but at the same time I knew this could mess things up. I already had trouble getting my mind out of the gutter. Sleeping in the same room with Snow White definitely wouldn’t help. Cody’s warning had hit home. For one, I didn’t know much about Marcella. She might very well stab me in the eye while I slept. I’d have to get rid of every potential weapon in my room, which would take a while.

“Good news, you’re moving today,” I told her. She scrambled to her feet, eyes growing wide with hope.

“You’re helping me,” she whispered, her gaze flitting to the clubhouse as if this was a secret. In moments like this, her protected upbringing showed. Everything had always gone to plan in her life. Her daddy had made sure of it. That someone might not fall to his knees before her mightiness and follow her command was impossible to grasp.

“I hope you’re not thinking I’m taking you back to Daddy or letting you go. Not all of my blood has left my brain yet.”

She frowned, becoming vigilant. “Where are you taking me?” I unlocked the cage and entered, growing annoyed by her reaction, especially when she backed up a step. Did she think I’d grab her and throw her over my shoulder? I’d risked my fucking head for her and she acted as if I was some kind of perv.

“Up to my room. That’s where you’re going to spend the rest of your stay here until your daddy decides to hand himself over for you.”

Her mouth went slack. “Have you lost your mind? I’m not going to share a bedroom with you.”

“If you stay in my room, I can protect you from Cody. Out here, you’re at his mercy, especially at night. I won’t stay up all night and watch you through my window. Sorry, princess, not going to happen.”

“You want me to think you’re some kind of knight in shining armor?” she hissed. Those blue eyes shone with distrust, and she had every reason not to trust me.

“I don’t care what you think Marcella, but if I tell you to stay by my side for your own fucking protection, you should really do it.”

Her eyes narrowed further. “I don’t believe you’re doing this out of the goodness of your heart.”

“You can either stay here and wait for Cody to get his eager hands on you or you can come with me to my room.”

“For you to get your eager hands on me.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Don’t overestimate yourself.” Then I tilted my head. “And if I recall our last conversations correctly, you made a move on me and not the other way around.”

The look she gave me made it clear she knew very well of the effect she had on me, and fuck, she was right.

I shrugged and turned on my heel to leave the cage. I wouldn’t beg her to sleep in my room. If she wanted to stay with the dogs. That was her decision. They’d be the least of her problems anyway. Cody was already salivating at the idea of getting his tiny cock into her pussy.

Of course, her refusal only meant I would spend all day and night watching the kennels from my window to make sure nobody touched Snow White.

“Wait,” she shouted when I was about to close the cage. I masked my relief and cocked an eyebrow at her.

“I don’t have all day for you to make up your mind. Maybe everyone’s catered to your every whim so far but I won’t.”

I could tell how she fought with herself to keep a comeback in. “I’ll go with you,” she said grudgingly.

“Then come on. Hurry.”

She tiptoed out of the cage, but Satan jumped against the bars eagerly, making her jump. She turned to the dog. “I’ll make sure my father frees you once he destroys this place.”

I scoffed. “Your father will make a rug from her fur.”

“You don’t know anything about my father.”

Shaking my head in annoyance, I motioned for her to go ahead. She finally picked up some speed as I led her to my room. The club brothers gathered in the common area hollered and whistled as they saw us. I sent them a grin, which increased the look of wariness on Marcella’s face.

The moment we entered my room, both she and I became tense, only for very different reasons.

As the vice president of the Tartarus motorcycle club, getting pussy had never been an issue. Sexy women eager to please walked in and out of our clubhouse every day. But spending the night in a room with Marcella, was a fucking temptation unlike any I’d ever encountered. I’d taken her into my room to protect her, but now that she was here, I wondered if this would seriously mess things up for me. I wanted her, had wanted her from the very first second I’d seen her if I was being honest with myself.

“I need a shower,” she said, tearing me from my thoughts. She scanned my room. She was used to better of course. I’d lived in every imaginable hut and I didn’t give a fuck if she thought this was beneath her. She was lucky that she was out of the kennel.

“Be my guest. There’s a shower behind that door. Of course, nothing as fancy as a marble bath with rain shower.”

She pursed her lips, her eyes settling on me. “Maybe you think I’m spoiled…”

“I think?”

“Maybe I’m spoiled, but I don’t think you have any right to judge me. I don’t go around kidnapping people.”

“No, you only profit from your father’s crimes, and kidnapping people is the smallest of his sins.”

Whenever I attacked her father, her walls came up as she went into protective mode. Could nothing make her doubt him? “My father would never kidnap a woman or someone’s child. He’s got honor, unlike you and your idiotic biker club.”

“You think too highly of your father. If you knew everything he’s done, I’m sure you’d change your mind.”

“Nothing you can say would ever change my mind, Maddox, so don’t waste your breath on convincing me.”

There wasn’t a flicker of doubt in her expression and it infuriated me. I wanted to destroy her image of her father. I wanted her hatred for him to match my own. I wanted her on my side. That would truly break Luca Vitiello.

Marcella

I desperately needed a shower but I could hardly wear my dirty clothes a day longer. They stank of wet dog and sweat and were stained with whatever had clung to the dog hut.

“You should get ready for bed. I have an early day tomorrow and can’t afford to discuss bullshit with you all night,” Maddox said. He kept a few steps distance between us, for which I was glad. I wasn’t sure about his motives.

“I need a change of clothes. Mine are ruined.”

He motioned at the heap of wrinkly clothes on the armchair in the corner. “Pick a shirt and boxers for sleep. I won’t go shopping for you.”

After another glance at the queen-sized bed, I went over to the armchair. In the two years of our relationship, Giovanni had never spent the night. It was ironic that the first man I’d spend the night with in a room was the very man who’d kidnapped me and wanted my father dead. A biker. A man who definitely didn’t share any of our values. I had flirted with him but sleeping in his room had never been part of the plan. I looked around his room curiously. There wasn’t much to it. A bed, a chair, and a desk. The latter two only served as objects to throw clothes on.

I carefully picked up a piece of clothing, acutely aware of Maddox’s eyes following my every move. From the messy pile, it was hard to tell if the clothes were dirty or clean.

Maddox let out a low laugh as he perched on the windowsill and blew smoke outside. “Everything’s clean. But as you can see, I don’t have a wardrobe, so the chair has to do.”

“Ironing and folding too complicated for you?” I asked after I’d picked up a simple black T-shirt and black boxers. It felt strange touching Maddox’s underwear. The idea of wearing them felt even stranger. My relationship with Giovanni had always been too formal for me to get the chance to run around in his clothes, not to mention that he would have never allowed me anywhere near his underwear.

“Be my guest if you want to stay in your dirty clothes.”

I grabbed the T-shirt and his boxers and disappeared in the bathroom. The room was clean but small. Maddox was right. I’d never been in a bathroom as simple as this. Even my friends came from money and had bigger and more luxurious bathrooms than most people. I washed my underwear in the sink with soap but my pants and blouse were ruined. After a quick shower, I dressed in Maddox’s clothes. His shirt reached my thighs and his boxers hung low on my hips, almost slipping off. It felt strange being this vulnerable around a man like him.

When I left the bathroom, Maddox was gone. I walked toward the window, unsure what to do. Lying down in Maddox’s bed felt like a bad idea. I was dead tired but my suspicion kept me wide awake. After a while the door opened and Maddox came in with a plate stacked with sandwiches. He paused briefly, his eyes tracing from my bare feet over my naked legs all the way up to my face. He didn’t give away anything. Usually men always went slack-jawed but usually I dressed up.

“I got some sandwiches for you.”

“You made them?”

He shook his head with an amused expression as if the mere suggestion was absurd. “I had Mary-Lu make them. She’s a decent cook.”

“The girl you got cozy with a few days ago?”

He nodded, as if it was no big deal. “Didn’t she mind that she had to make dinner for another woman who’d spend the night in your room?”

“We aren’t dating, only fucking. She’s a pass-around. She doesn’t care. I’m not the only guy she’s got an eye on. If someone else asks her to be his old lady, she’d dump me in the dust in the blink of an eye. All these girls want is a cut that declares them a biker’s property.”

My lips curled. “A pass-around, really? How sexist can you be?”

“Don’t act so high and mighty. In your circles women are used as bargain. I mean, who still uses arranged marriages?”

“They worked for centuries,” I said haughtily. “And I’m not promised.”

“Anymore. Weren’t you and that sappy guy supposed to marry in two years?”

“We didn’t have a date yet. But for your information, I chose him, not my parents.”

“You chose someone your father allowed near you so you would choose him.”

I had never seen it that way, but it was true that only certain boys had been allowed near me once I hit puberty. All of them well-behaved and respectful, not to mention terrified of my father. “You know nothing of our life. But it’s certainly better than this lawless hillbilly life you lead.”

“I’m free to do as I please. You are bound by your old-fashioned rules.”

Even if he had a point, I couldn’t just let it drop. I motioned at the hellhound tattoo on his upper arm, the sign of his club. “You can’t just leave the club either. That’s not freedom.”

“I live for that club. I’d never leave it. It’s my fucking life.”

“And my family is my life, so I’m not less free than you.”

“I don’t think you really understand what freedom means.”Property of Nô)(velDr(a)ma.Org.

I’d often longed for freedom, but not away from my family and the world I grew up in.

Maddox held out the plate again, then set it down on the nightstand. “You can eat in bed if you want, I don’t mind.”

“What about crumbs?” I asked, more to gain time and get rid of my sudden nervousness.

“These sheets have seen worse,” Maddox said with a chuckle, making his way over to the armchair.

My lips curled. “I think I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Maddox gave me a pissed-off look. “I changed them this morning, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. But if you prefer the floor, be my guest. I don’t give a fuck.”

He removed his cut and draped it over the backrest. It was the first time I saw him without it since the kidnapping. The way he looked at it, the piece of leather seemed to be important to him.

He slanted me a warning look. “Don’t touch my cut while I take a shower.”

“Don’t worry.”

He turned in the doorway to the bathroom. “And don’t try anything or I’ll dump your perky ass in the kennel again.” He closed the door.

“Asshole,” I muttered, but I was almost thankful. If he really did this to protect me, then it was a nice gesture. However, I couldn’t believe it was only because of that.

I’d inherited my father’s distrustful nature and it was rearing its head now. When water began running, I headed for the door and pushed the handle down but it was locked. Male voices and boisterous laughter sounded downstairs, so the locked door was probably for the best anyway.

Glancing at the stack of sandwiches and hearing my stomach’s angry rumble, I finally took one with cheese and ham. I usually didn’t eat carbs or dairy. One made you fat and the other gave you pimples, but I really couldn’t bring myself to care. I stuffed one-third of the sandwich into my mouth and bit off, chewing eagerly. After living in a stinking cage for days and being at the mercy of those bikers, most of my previous worries seemed awfully irrelevant. Briefly my mind touched on the video, wondering who had seen it, but I shoved the thought aside. It wasn’t useful at the moment. The past was the past. I needed to figure out a way to improve my future.

Sooner than expected, Maddox came out of the bathroom and I almost had a heart attack. He wore nothing but boxers, revealing a muscular upper body covered in tattoos. Now the pull-up bar hanging from the ceiling by the window made sense. That body required work. I had to force my eyes away from him. His body screamed bad boy. I’d grown up around bad men, but Maddox carried his very own forbidden, bad boy aura.

Maddox looked at me as if I were an intruder in his space, as if I’d asked to be here, as if any of this had been my choice. He walked over to the small table and grabbed the cigarette package that lay there. “Did you touch my cut?”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s a piece of leather.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“No, I didn’t touch it.”

He nodded, obviously satisfied. He picked up the packet of cigarettes from the windowsill.

“You’re smoking in your bedroom?”

He put the cigarette into his mouth, lit it and took a deep drag before he finally deemed me with a reply. “Got a problem with that?”

I shrugged. “It’s unhygienic and disgusting. Not to mention dangerous, considering how many people fall asleep with a burning cigarette and set themselves aflame. It’s your health. But I’d prefer if you’d choose something that kills you quicker than nicotine.”

Maddox’s expression twisted with anger and he stalked toward me. I forced myself to stay put and not back away from his fury. “I’m the only thing that stands between you and a bunch of horny bikers who want to get a taste of mafia pussy.”

Why did this enrage him so much? He’d been particularly tense since we arrived in his bedroom. I stiffened. “Why do you even care? Why don’t you let them have a go at me if you hate my family so much?”

“I hate your father. You only annoy the fuck out of me because you don’t even realize how privileged you are.”

Due to his outburst, he’d come very close to me so the scent of his brisk, minty shower gel flooded my nose. His hair was still wet and messily hung down his forehead. My eyes were drawn to the tattoos all over his upper body and arms. Images of hellhounds, knives, skulls and bikes.

“Stop playing the victim here,” I said eventually.

Maddox glared at me but something in his eyes made me feel hot. “I was a victim a long time ago, I’m not now.”

My eyes flickered from the piercing in his tongue to the bar in his nipple.

“I have more,” he said and took another drag.

“Where?” I asked.

His gaze moved down to his boxers. “Two more.”

My mouth fell open, trying to imagine where exactly he had them. My cheeks became hot. “You’re toying with me.” I narrowed my eyes. “You just want to make me nervous.”

“Why would two piercings in my dick make you nervous?” he asked, but his voice had a new, deeper timbre.

I shrugged. “They don’t.”

He smirked, seeing right through me. Everything about Maddox made me nervous. “Go to bed, princess.”

He always succeeded in making the word sound like the worst insult imaginable.

Not wanting to appear scared, I sat on the very edge of the bed, my toes on the floor. The bed linen smelled fresh and not like smoke or sweat. Maybe he normally only smoked with the window open and just didn’t to annoy me.

Maddox gave me a half amused, half annoyed look. “The sheets are clean like I said, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried about that.”

He nodded, narrowing his eyes in thought. “Then what are you worried about?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m not too thrilled about sleeping beside my kidnapper without protection.”

He pointed at his chest. “I’m your protection, and you sure as fuck don’t need protection from me. Your pussy is safe.”

I gritted my teeth, then finally laid back on the bed. It was much harder than I was used to from home but felt like a soft cloud after the hut.

Maddox finished his smoke but even then he stayed in front of the window, looking out. The letters Tartarus MC were written across his back and shoulders, and below it a skull was spitting fire, the same image as on his sternum. “Why the skulls?”

He glanced down at his chest. “My father had the same tattoo. I don’t remember much about his appearance. Whenever I try to recall how he looked, I see the bloody pulp your father turned him into. That tattoo is all I got.”

I swallowed. “I’m sorry for what my father did.”

He nodded, watching me intensely. “Not your apology to hand out, and I doubt your old man will ever utter the words.”

He probably wouldn’t.

I looked away from his too personal stare and scanned his other tattoos. The words “no regrets” graced his left forearm.

“You only regret the things you didn’t do,” I murmured. It was a quote I’d read on a motivational post on Instagram once and it had resonated deeply with me.

Maddox sent me a confused look until I pointed at his tattoo. He smiled wryly. “What do you regret not doing?”

The list was long, but nothing I felt comfortable discussing with Maddox. I tore my eyes away from him and stared up at the ceiling. The fan was spinning around in slow, mesmerizing circles. “Nothing.”

He laughed and my belly flipped. He appeared at the bedside, towering over me, still only dressed in his boxers. “I don’t believe you. I’m sure there are plenty of things you’re dying to do but can’t because your ol’ man is always watching your back.”

I didn’t say anything. Maddox sank down on the other side of the bed and I curled my hands into fists. “Don’t try to smother me while I sleep. If you try anything, I’ll hand you over to Cody myself.”

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I felt too hot when Maddox stretched out beside me. His bed was entirely too small for two people who weren’t dating. Our arms were practically touching. You could hardly count the half inch between us. I folded my hands on my belly to bring more space between our arms.

“For someone who’s been flirting with me in the kennels, you’re awfully quiet now,” he joked, his face tilted toward me.

I turned my head in his direction. Despite our closeness, I wasn’t half as scared as I should have been. If I wanted my plan to work, I should have been flirting with him now, but this was definitely out of my comfort zone. “I thought you wanted to sleep.”

“I do,” he said, but his eyes said something else. I swallowed when he finally looked away and extinguished the lights.

I listened to his breathing, clinging to consciousness, hoping he’d fall asleep before me. But I just knew he was wide awake. I wondered what kept him from sleep. It couldn’t be worry for his life. Maybe he was imagining all the things he could do to me. My pulse sped up. Problem was it wasn’t only from anxiety.