Argument with Alex
Zinnia
“We need to talk.” Alex slammed the tray on the counter and yelled over the loud noise. I ignored her, busying myself with whatever I could find, so long as it allowed me to avoid the conversation I knew would come.
Ignoring Alex wasn’t something I’d willingly wanted to do. But I couldn’t bring myself to talk with her. Not now anyways. Not when I couldn’t be honest with her.
Shame. Guilt and disgust were the emotions that weighed on me as I hurled myself to work after Reed left. His words constantly rang in my ears, and it didn’t bloody help that he left me hot and bordered, and as soon as he was out the door, I fucked myself with the toy he bought for me. I screamed out his name as I came. I came down from my high, then fucked my mouth with the toy, reminiscing how heavenly his cock tasted in my mouth, and fingered myself. And I came again, this time, shivering.
And as the euphoric feeling died, disgust settled in.
“Not now, Alex. I have a table to serve.” That was a lie, and she caught it because she rounded the counter.
“Yeah, I am not buying that.” Alex grabbed my arms and the next thing I knew; we were both headed to what I assume was the changing room.
“What’s going on with you?”
I shrugged, feigning ignorance.
“Don’t give me that look. You know what I am talking about. You’ve been acting weird since you left my house. I haven’t said anything, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t notice. And after yesterday, I had to ask.”
I folded my arms, trying my best to maintain a poker face.
“I still don’t know what you’re talking about, Alex.”
“That guy yesterday, is he the stalker you talked about? And don’t you lie to me, Zinnia. Did you go to the police?” Alex forged on. I knew she would ask all these, the reason why I decided to ignore her since I checked into work.
“Look, Alex. I appreciate your concern, but I meant it when I said he’s harmless. I was overreacting.” I could not believe I was defending someone who kidnapped and chained me. But I couldn’t let Alex in on what was happening.
She studied me intensely, her gaze zeroing in on me. “Overreacting? Are you fucking kidding me? He sent you a fucking hand, for goodness sake. He sent you lingerie and flowers and that’s all sorts of fucked up and you say he’s harmless?”
I sighed. There was no escaping this, still, I refused to tell Alex the truth of what I’ve done with him.
“It’s just a harmless crush, Alex, that’s it. People send flowers and lingerie to people they have a crush on,” I defended, realising how stupid I sounded.
“Yeah, until they end up dead!” she half yelled. Alex brushed her hands through her hair and rested her weight on one foot. She brought her index finger to her chin, thinking of what to say.
“Are you fucking him?”
I gasped in surprise, both in shock and at how blatantly she aired those words. How on earth had she even gotten to that conclusion? I have not fucked him – not yet anyways, but how had she known to ask anything with relation to that?
“Jesus, Alex!”
“Oh my God, you are fucking him.”
“No, I’m not!”
“You’re lying.”
“No…”
“My God, Zinnia. This man is dangerous. From all the things you’ve told me about him, he’s supposed to be locked away in prison or a mental hospital. I can’t believe you’re fucking him.”
I opened my mouth and closed it back, lost for words to say. Because Alex was right.
“Alex, you’re mistaken. I would never fuck someone as crazy as him-”
“Stop lying to me, Zinnia. You fucked him and you’re still fucking him. It’s why you didn’t go to the police. It’s why you keep defending him. Tell me, is he threatening you? Did he force himself on you?”This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.
“That’s enough, Alex. I will not let you talk to me like some kid. I know what I am doing. It’s my life and I think you should butt out and mind your fucking business,” I yelled out in frustration.
The look of pain on Alex’s face made the words that spewed out of my mouth taste vile. I hadn’t meant to be so cold towards her, but I also couldn’t let her dictate what I should and should not do.
Instant regret washes through me. Alex nodded, taking in my words. I sighed, riffling my hands through my hair. She turned on her heels, ready to walk out when I grabbed her hand. My words were cut short when another waitress walked in, informing Alex that her presence was needed.
Now alone in the dressing room, the gravity of the words I threw at Alex weighed down on me. I’ve lived my entire life alone. Friendships were never on my agenda, and so I never bothered with the acquaintances that came my way.
But Alex was different. I care dearly for her and I might have just fucked things up with the only friend I might have in my entire life, simply because I was a coward and couldn’t admit the truth to her.
“Well done, Zinnia. Well. Fucking. Done!!” I murmured, not giving a damn that I looked insane talking to myself.
I walked back into the club. The beat of Eminem’s Real Slim Shady hits me first, almost taking my mind off the conversation I had with Alex as the bass slams through my body.
I stand on the side-lines of the club, scanning the room and taking in the bodies on the dance floor. Much to my disappointment, my stalker didn’t show up to the club. Although, I wondered if I would have the guts to face him. After a while of contemplation, I decided him not being here was the best thing that could happen to me today.
For the rest of the night, Alex ignored me, which was to be expected. She refused to meet my gaze and would walk away every time I tried approaching her.
After several attempts, I gave up, deciding to let things cool down between us before reaching out to her.
Closing time came, and I was more than happy to return to my apartment.
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