CHAPTER 20
Ryan’s POV
Valerie is still a mystery to me and I can’t seem to figure her out. One minute, she is barking out in a loud voice, making me angry and looking angry as well and the other minutes, she looks like someone who has no care in the work with her nonchalant attitude.
Sometimes, I wonder if she truly loved her ex because she didn’t look like one who was capable of loving and she didn’t look like someone heartbroken by the one she loved.
I can’t say what love is, except for one thing. My Mother.
She made me understand the true definition of love. It is always unconditional. If it is true and pure. She made me know that there are different types of love and there are different things that lead to love.
Lust and attraction can drive you to the gates of love. Lust and Attraction can also be mistaken for love.
All my life, all I had ever felt was lust for women who could satisfy my sexual desires.
There was once a time when I was always frequenting clubs and night parties. The days when I was called a rebel and an irresponsible teenager when all I only wanted was to experience everything my Mother told me about and even those things she never told me about.
I used to come to the clubs, to get drunk and get laid.
But now, I can’t believe it feels strange like I never had a life in this place.
Partying.
The loud music hits my earlobe, making me cringe and hold my two hands together over my ears as Valerie pushes me in.
I didn’t want to come. Not because I don’t want to be reminded of that lifestyle I left behind before I succeeded my Father.
I just felt I had no reason to come here.
My mother is sick and dying and partying should be the last thing on my mind that I should be doing.
But Valerie never takes a no for an answer. I guess she already influences my workers too because John didn’t even listen to my protest for us not to come here.
Valerie grinned when the car stopped in front of the club. That sort of grin that exudes victory.
“Drop your hands, let’s dance”, she shouts into my ears, making me drop my hands away instantly.
The whole place is crowded and women are dancing. The music is fast and loud and they are keeping up with it.
I am not a dancer. I suck at dancing. I can’t even remember if I ever tried dancing all my life.
Despite how much I used to come partying, having the time of my life, and finding a beautiful girl with just a stare, something seemed to be missing.NôvelDrama.Org holds text © rights.
Mother said I wouldn’t find love if I kept up with that lifestyle and I never found it. All the girls were interested in the thing beneath the trousers and what is in the pockets.
This night is really bringing in a lot of memories. Both those I want and those I want to forget.
I won’t say I am proud of my past. Some are embarrassing and digging them out now will ruin my reputation.
“What if someone recognizes us here?” I grab Valerie’s hand as she begins to dance around. She stops and raises a brow at me. “What if someone sees us and recognizes us?” I repeat, someone hitting me behind.
I turn to see who the hell did that but there is no one. Everyone is dancing. Someone must have mistakenly hit me while dancing around.
This is really a bad idea.
If truly she wants to make me happy, then this isn’t the right thing to do to make me happy.
“No one will see us, darling husband”, she throws her arms around my neck region, dragging me closer to her. “This club is a bit far from…”
“It doesn’t matter. We are still in New York. Even if we are out of New York, someone can recognize me or even you as my wife. Why will that say?”
“You are such a killjoy!” She pushes me away lightly. “Can’t you just have fun for once?”
“We don’t need to come here, Val.”
“Shut up and dance!” She commands like a boss as she drags me back to her and begins to dance without letting go of me.
What the hell have I gotten myself into?
Instead of coming here, I would have preferred going back home to finish up the work I couldn’t do at the office.
Suddenly, the music changes into a slow one, and the loud excitement dies down. Valerie jumps up in excitement, her face beaming with happiness and I wonder if this makes her happy.
Is that why she thinks I would be happy coming here too? Do I have to be happy with what makes her happy?
How can she be happy with everything going on? Our marriage, her breakup, and my mother’s health.
How is she managing to hide it all? Does she even feel any emotions?
“Shake your body at least, Ryan. Don’t just stand there like a ghost”, she steps on my toes and I wince.
“What the hell is that for?” I thunder at her with an angry expression.
“What?!” She pretends not to notice that she stepped on my toes and I am rubbing my hand on the shoes I am wearing.
F*ck!
So much for trying to make me happy. What will make me happy is far from this.
I am done here.
I take off my suit and try to walk past her but she notices I have the intention of leaving and quickly stops me.
“Come on, Ryan. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to have fun”, her hand is holding onto my arm, stopping me from walking away.
I can’t help it. Seriously, sometimes, I can’t help not being mad at her. Sometimes, I feel it isn’t because of what she is doing to me at that moment but because of all the things she has done to me, including the betrothal that her parents brought up which made my own parents force me into this shitty marriage.
Now, knowing that her Father isn’t to be blamed but my Mother for being sick and wanting to see her grandchildren before dying, I still want to blame her and her parents.
I want to blame them for my misery. If she didn’t exist, maybe I wouldn’t be married to her. But does that even change anything? It doesn’t change the fact that my mother is sick and she is going to die soon.
“Let go of me, woman!”
“No, Jerk!”
I yank my arm away from her hold and turn to leave when I bump into a woman.
“Ryan”, I hear Valerie call behind me as I try to catch the woman from falling to the ground.
“Babe”, a lean guy rushes over to take her from me while her face is fixed on mine. She shares a look with the guy and they both stare at me with mouth agape.
“Ryan”, Valerie calls louder as she jogs to my side. “Please stay.”
I face her squarely, wondering if this anger will dissipate if only she would apologize to me for what she just did to me and what she has been doing to me.
“Valerie?!” The two couples exclaim and she snaps her head to see them.
She seems to recognize them too because the next thing she does is to call their names. “Fred and Brenda?”
I know instantly that these are the people who hurt her and I don’t know why I suddenly feel elated.
Probably because I want to see how she would react to their presence here or because I want her to displace a few of her emotions here.
Instead, she grabs my arm, gives me a cute smile, and waves her fingers at them. “Hello to you, two. If you will excuse my husband and me.”
She takes a step forward and they step aside to give her room to pass. While I grudgingly follow her with our arms entwined, Valerie smirks to herself as we take the exit.
My confusion intensifies.