Always Been You

~Lola’s POV~

I expected Dante to respond to my outburst, but he didn’t. He just looked at me, speechless, at least I assumed. But one thing was clear: he was furious. After he had left my room so suddenly and silently, I sprinted to slam it shut and braced myself against it as I did so. I clutched my chest tightly. What was that?

I don’t understand why my heart is beating so fast. What is this strange sensation spreading across my chest? Wait, do I still have feelings for Dante? Naa, he wants to take my children. I can’t possibly still care about him, can I? But if that’s the case, then why am I sweltering from the inside out? It’s as if a fire was started all around me, which is making me extremely hot and causing a lot of sweat to come out of my pores. Why am I even thinking about this? It’s not like we have dealt with all this before; we ran from how we felt. My feelings for him wouldn’t just vanish. At the end of the day, he is still my husband, despite the fact that he hates me so much.

I eased my way out of the door and made my way to the bathroom, where I remained for a while before getting into the shower. I had high hopes that it would bring some relief to my overheated body and my severely overcooked brain. After a shower, I changed into clean clothes and went downstairs to prepare some food. When I woke up, I was so hungry that my stomach was making all kinds of strange noises. I sped through the morning routine of making breakfast and setting the table. My children eventually made their way down, and when they saw me for the first time since I had arrived, they rushed up to me and gave me a big group hug.

“We missed you, mommy!” they shouted in unison, and I gave them each a kiss. The head maid told me that they were starting school today. They’ve been homeschooling for a while now, and they’ve finally found a school. It is upsetting to learn that Dante was able to get everything in order while I spent years stumbling around in search of a good school for them.

“Alright, you all sit down and eat before you get late to school.”

“Yes, mom,” they all said at the same time. They started to eat. I heard footsteps approaching, and I looked up to see Dante coming downstairs. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I lowered my head and avoided him. I really wish that he would stop acting like such an idiot in front of the children. He walked over to the coffeemaker, made himself some coffee, and began to make his way back up the stairs. The kids were staring at me as if I’d done something wrong. Mia pursed her lips and folded her hands, staring at her father and then back at me. I needed to act quickly. If I don’t, they’ll know we’re not getting along.

“Good morning, Daddy!” I exclaimed. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t let the kids think otherwise. I watched as he turned and looked at me as if I had said something moronic. Yea, probably moronic. I tilted my head towards the children. He saw their looks, and he immediately started to walk down, grabbing a chair.

“Morning, honey.” His calling me honey was dragged, but I didn’t care. Even if we divorce, I don’t want my children to feel empty. Since he showed up in their lives, he had to act like a father, not a boy. He then turned his gaze to the children and greeted them. They smiled and began to eat. There was no way food would settle well in my stomach with him sitting at the same table as me and with so much tension between us. Dante didn’t eat anything; he was just sipping his coffee. He didn’t even bother looking at me.

“Kids, it’s time to get to school,” their driver said, and the kids jumped to their feet and followed him. Dante stood up and walked up the stairs as soon as they were out of sight. This is not healthy for either of us. As much as I don’t like talking to him, this has to stop.

“Do you mind sparing me a minute?” He stopped waking and stared at me with so much anger on his face. His dark gaze warned me not to push any further, but we can’t keep doing this in front of our children. He threw his cup, which flew and hit the wall. As the shattered pieces hit the ground, I jumped a little. My heart shattered along with that cup. With no words, he kept going. I trembled in one spot and wouldn’t move. Why is he so enraged at me, as if everything is my fault? I was still feeling chills running down my spine. I began to clear the table, but the head maid intervened.

“Mrs. Monroe, I have known the two of you since you were both growing up. You guys used to have the best relationship. What you did was wrong. But you also didn’t think much about it, as there was another woman. Please give him some time. Four years is a little too much. He loves his kids, and maybe, just maybe, he could have been a good father to them while watching them grow. He didn’t have the opportunity. Right now, he feels like you were punishing him for using the kids. He doesn’t know that you have your reasons. Even so, Mrs. Monroe, he deserved to know. He loved you. He never loved Candice. When you left, there was no Candice and him. He wanted you. He went crazy searching for you, but when he had nothing, he was like a madman. Imagine just how he feels now, knowing that you didn’t just run away alone but his kids.” She looked at me with pity, but I didn’t want pity. We need to talk it out. “Leave the plates, go talk to him.” I don’t know if what she’s saying will work, but I will have to try. “Mrs. Monroe, it might have started off crazy, but there is a reason for everything. Just like you married him instead of Ms. Candice. Now go.”

“Thank you, Jane,” I said as I climbed the stairs. I went towards his study, but I had no courage to face him. I turned around and returned to my room. I was ready to lie down when someone knocked at the door.

It’s probably the head maid coming to ask me why I didn’t go to his study. I answered the door with a small, grateful smile, but it slipped and vanished when my gaze was drawn to the person standing across from me. My heart was racing. My palms began to sweat.

What exactly is he doing here?

Before I could say anything, he opened his mouth, “You were standing outside my study. What were you looking for?”

“Huh?” I was in a daze, but after a quick scolding of myself, I stood straight and gave him a nod. He frowned. I could tell that he did not possess the slightest bit of patience.

“What did you want?” I felt nervous, and I started to bite my lower lip. I was at a loss for words. I stood there for about 3 minutes while just staring at him, with no words whatsoever.

“Um, it’s about.”Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

“Forget it. Next time, if you are not ready to talk, don’t come near me.” He took a few steps. “And Lola, get out of my house.” I quickly raised my eyes to meet his gaze.

“But why?”

A tear escaped. “I don’t want you to be part of my children’s lives or mine.”

“You don’t get to choose whether you want me in their lives or not. I gave birth to them! Stop making me feel bad for what I did. You said I was yours. You said you would wait for me to grow up. You made a promise to me that you never kept. Now I have to get out of my children’s lives. Why? Because you say so? Never! You would rather kill me! You are here playing the victim every day. What about me? My childhood sweetheart called me a mistake. Slept with all kinds of different women, even when I was of age. He forgot everything about his promise. I didn’t make that promise, you did! I fucking waited for you to see me as a woman. But all you did was confuse me more. Yes, you were my first. But did you care to ask me how I felt, Dante? Every fucking thing was about you. Even now, you are making everything about you without giving me a chance to explain. Just what the fuck do you want from me? Do you want to take me to court? Fucking take me to court! You ruined my life and every day since you found out about the kids, you’ve been playing the victim. Fuck you! And fuck your heart. Fuck you, Dante Monroe.” Without even realizing it, I started hitting him. “You said I was a mistake. You wanted to be with her. Should I have told you about my pregnancy? You could have thought I wanted to use the pregnancy to keep you. You can go to hell. I’m taking my kids with me. You don’t even have the right to take them and start giving me orders. My children and I are a mistake to you!”

“Lola! Lola, stop. You are hurting yourself.”

“I’d rather die than give you my childr…” Everything went blank after pouring my heart out.