Always Been You

~Lola~

I turned my head to look outside the window. In addition to the heavy rain that was falling, the wind was howling, and then a violent bolt of lightning suddenly erupted in the sky. The weather was becoming increasingly dangerous. I sat up and pulled the blanket over my head. I had the impression that I wasn’t the only one in the room. I whirled around to face two of my new friends. I turned my head in every direction. I was in bed, but not mine. I looked at the two people who were busy examining me as though they were all doctors. Even though my mouth was parched, I was still able to speak.

“Where am I, and how did I get here?” “What time is it?”

Why is June here? Where am I really?

As I continued to examine my surroundings, I realized that I was not in a hospital but rather in a house that was not mine.

“My house,” Mason announced at long last.

Why am I dressed like this, and how did he get into my house in the first place? Who took off my clothes? I glanced at the clothes I was wearing while giving Mason a dubious look. On the other hand, June’s response came rather quickly.

“Don’t worry, I changed you. Why did you move to Ozark, and why are you staying in that big house alone? We know you have money because you purchased that house, your expensive wedding ring, and, of course, you drive an expensive car. We are not in a position to pass judgment on you. We just want to know what is going on with you. If we didn’t care, we met a woman at the mall. Anything could have happened to you today. But my brother and I are not like that. We check on people every time as though they were our patients.”

As I looked at the two of them, I couldn’t help but feel defeated. I’m not sure how I feel about talking to other people about the challenges I’m facing. I’ve always been one to listen to people’s problems, but never once have I ever told anyone my problems except for Dante. Of course, I never told him how I felt or that I was still clinging to the promise that we made to each other 16 years ago. I never told him either of those things. I waited for him to tell me he felt the same way. Unconsciously, tears started rolling down my cheeks, and I immediately broke down and started bawling uncontrollably.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

“I… I just don’t want any of it. I just want to put the whole thing behind me. The promises, everything I want-none of it. I just want to live peacefully. Is that too much to ask?” I broke down in tears, completely oblivious to the fact that I was sobbing in the presence of two people I had only just met. I am aware that they have a lot of questions, but I am still undecided about whether I want to talk about the stupid promise that I have been clinging to for the past 16 years. I acted both foolishly and stupidly at the same time. June made her way over to where I was sitting and gave me a hug. The important question is, to what extent am I able to be open about Dante and myself?

“Shush; we didn’t mean to be nosy. We are just worried that you are alone and pregnant. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. We do understand.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just that I have never talked about me and my husband to anyone.” I wiped my eyes and then continued, “When we were younger, we were inseparable. When I was nine years old, we started hanging out together, and we quickly made a lot of promises to each other. You are right, I ran away, and yes, I ran away from my husband, who is also my best friend. I ended up marrying a man who was already committed to another woman. It was torture for me to see him with the person he loves while I was pregnant with our child, and I didn’t even tell him I was expecting. When I found out, I was messed up, and when I found out there were three, I had to make a choice, and this is my choice. This place, this life, is my choice.”

Surprisingly, they didn’t judge me. All they did was hug me until I felt better. I have never once shared my story with anyone, and, of course, I told them half the truth. I feel bad, but this is what they need to know for now. I took a look at the clothes that I was currently donning. They belonged to the Masons. I really don’t like to inconvenience people, and what I’m doing right now isn’t right. It’s possible that I was making Dante’s life more difficult without even realizing it. I’m wearing Mason’s clothes, and they’re taking care of me. I believe they have their own problems. Mason came back into the room carrying a bowl of soup just as I was about to start speaking.

“Take this and drink it. You will benefit from it. I’ve just finished checking in on the children. They will not be impacted in any way, but Lola, I deem it necessary to warn you. You are pregnant, and now you have four people to worry about. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. You need to stay warm, and by that, I mean dress warmly, and Lola, you can’t stay alone. You can hire a cook or something. Maybe a cleaner, a cook, or a cleaner can at least keep an eye on you. What if June and I didn’t show up at your house today? What could have happened?”

I took a glance at them. They had a valid point. After that, I turned around and looked embarrassed. I drank the soup. “I should get going,” I remarked as I got up from bed. I tucked the hair behind my ear to keep it out of the way. I took a brief pause before continuing, “Thank you, guys, for everything.” I hastened to the door, opened it, and saw that it was still raining, despite the fact that I had not given them the opportunity to say anything.

“I’ll drive you,” June said. I didn’t say anything; all I did was nod in her direction. We walked to June’s car. While she was driving, she kept her gaze on me. I knew she had something to say. We drove to my compound, and the car finally came to a halt.

“You know, we are just trying to help, right?” I nodded. “Lola, it is not a bad thing to ask for help, and it is not a bad thing to let other people help you either. I know you might have been used to doing things by yourself. But you can’t be as selfless as you were with your husband right now because this isn’t the right time for it. I am so sorry I am bringing him into the picture, but we are not him. We are concerned about you, but more importantly, we are concerned about the three children who are developing inside of you. So stop shutting us out. We just want to help. If not for you, then for the children that you are carrying, please. It is inappropriate for you to ask to leave while the rain is coming down in sheets like this. Since you are an adult, there is nothing we can do to stop you. However, next time, keep your children in mind. I’ve got a little girl. She is everything to me, and I would give my life for hers. But I also allowed other people to help me. I had a one-night stand with her father, and when I woke up the next morning, he was already engaged to be married. Do you have any idea how that affected my mood? I felt like a slut. I had sexual relations with a man about whom I knew nothing, and it turned out that he was about to get married. I gave birth to my daughter, but I still haven’t told him about her. To this day, I haven’t told him about my daughter. I see him with his wife every time. It was entirely up to me, Lola. I have some understanding of what you are going through. Please do not exclude us. I went through it alone, but I don’t want you to go through the same thing I went through by yourself, Lola. Fuck. What am I saying, still going through this? It is not a simple task. It is going to get more difficult over time, and you might feel like giving up. Stop acting so tough when in reality you are the one who is constantly crumbling.” After giving her a look, I noticed that she had tears in her eyes. I suddenly broke down in tears.

“I’m sorry, I just…” I couldn’t even form a sentence.

“Shhhh, I understand. Mason is my brother, and I know him very well. It has bothered him that you left without letting him check out everything first. When you’re feeling better, you should talk to him.” I nodded. “Let’s get you inside, and Lola, cheer up; you’ve got this. You can do this. I believe in you, mama.”