Alpha’s Virgin Stripper

The two girls blinked twice, jaws dropped in awe as they stared at the older woman. Though she always answered the “Mrs.” title in front of her name, none of them had ever taken time to think of the possibility she could be married, not to talk of having children! Perhaps there was much more to this woman than they knew.

Emerald found herself squeezing the hem of her black gown with her lean fingers. She was not sure if she was ready to revisit the dark days of her life. She had worked so hard to bury the thoughts behind her. Was she willing to return to old wounds? To peel open old scars? By the time she stopped to think far and pulled herself back to the present, she already had drops of tears rolling down her cheeks. Emerald laughed to herself, even though the girls did not join in her laughter. She pressed the back of her right palm to each of her eyes and sniffed to draw the tears back in.

So, she was doing this. She had never talked to anyone about it before, she paid deaf ears to everyone who advised her to get therapy, only for her to confront her fears and regrets in the presence of two girls almost half her age. She shook her head and adjusted herself in her seat. The girls continued to watch her in silence, neither knew if they should move to console her or sit right where they were and listen. They did not even know if they were supposed to be listening to her speak about something she held so close to her chest.

“You know, now that I think of it, if there’s one thing that I regret, it would be leaving him. My little darling boy loved me more than anything else, even his favorite toys. But I was only a woman who wanted things she was not given, there was nothing I could do. I was so alone, even clinically depressed at that time.” Emerald’s mind wandered back to the antidepressants she had hidden in her jewelry box and tucked away in her wardrobe. She remembered the nights and days she self-medicated, just to cure herself of her misery.

“I was losing my mind, everything around me ceased to make meaning. It was almost as though my entire life has lost its purpose, my son was my…” She swallowed the lump that choked her voice. It was hard to push it down, but she managed to do so eventually.

“His smile was the only thing that kept me alive on nights when I wanted nothing more than to die. Just drive a blade into my wrist, severe a few veins, and just go away, float away to where there’ll be no pain.” She was faced with the horrific images she had pushed to the back of her head. All the times she stood on the balcony, thinking of ways she could fall to the hard concrete ground and crack her skull.

“His father, my husband at that time, didn’t love me. I knew that he did not, I had always known that he might never grow to love me. His heart belonged to another woman from the beginning. Ours was an arranged marriage, forced by family ties and the convenience of those around us. I did not expect love from him, all I wanted was the care and respect that I awarded to him. But I… I never got it.”

Flashes, sharp flashes of all the times Cole had ignored her and said mean words to her. All the times he had made her feel as invisible as the air he was breathing in. For more than half of their marriage, Cole treated her as though she was never there, never around him.

“I knew that he had only married me because I was pregnant with his child. We would have never been together if he did not know I was pregnant. Maybe, just maybe I should have opted to raise my son on my own. When we got married, my husband never cared about me. He constantly busied himself with work even though money was not a problem for us. I knew that…” She found herself digging her fingers into the skin of her thighs as she grits her teeth in anger, while tears continued to pour from her eyes, blurring her vision. All she could see now was Cole standing in front of her, tearing away everything she held dear.

“I knew that he worked that hard because he never wanted to be with me. On the few nights that we spent together, he would always call his lover’s name in his sleep. When we were together, he would take me to be her. Nothing shatters a woman’s ego more than hearing the name of another woman from the lips of a man she yearned to be on. It shattered me, much more than I can ever admit.” Emerald continued. It was the first time she was admitting to herself that hearing Cole constantly sing “Doris” affected her.

“I soon began to sort for distractions. He had cut me away from my family, it was impossible to tell any of them what he made me go through. The marriage felt like a prison like I was sold to the devil himself. But…” She stopped when a sad smile formed on her face.

“An angel came in the funniest of ways. Before you know it, I was in love. He was charming, sweet, and supportive. And he adored me, much more than anyone else had ever done before. It was an affair until I decided to follow my heart. I confronted my husband about wanting a divorce, and that was when my life took a sour turn.”

Emerald paused to take a long breath. The painful memories dissolved her smile in an instant, reviving tears from the corners of her eyes.

“My husband refused to give me a divorce, not because he wanted me, but because he needed me to be with our child under his custody. He wanted to be able to do as he pleased with me, to punish me. But I fought, I fought for my happiness. It only came with a price, the price of my son.”

Lake’s five-year-old face flashed in her mind. The joy in his eyes when she had opened that door that day, the pain in her chest when she turned her back to him and began to walk out of the door.

“He said if I was going to leave, I was going to do so without my son, I was going to have to go without my baby boy. I tried everything that I could, even proceeding to take the issue to court. But no one would stand for me. It was as though he had bribed every law firm in the state. Once they saw my face, no one wanted to listen to what I had to say. Eventually, I gave up. I signed the contract that said I could leave, only if I agreed never to show up in my son’s life again.”

The familiar sting of pain and guilt slashed through her chest. Emerald could feel her heart bleed out. She could taste her pain at the tip of her tongue, bitter and rusty.

“I watched my son cry out to me that day, but there was no way I could reach out to him. There was nothing I could do. I… I went to be with the man that I loved. We were together for a blissful five years until I lost him to a tragic accident.” When her tears had returned her vision to her, Emerald saw Jojo and Mel hold hands together, as though giving each other the support they needed to finish the story. She heaved a heavy sigh and pulled her tablet from Mel to herself.

“He died on the spot. The police say it was not a mere accident, but nothing else made sense to me. They said he was murdered, but I could not think of anyone who would have wanted my husband to die” She sighed and leaned into the table. The worst parts of the story were gone. And even if the face of five-year-old Lake, crying after her would continue to hunt her, she was grateful to the goddess for the opportunity to see him.

“After my husband’s death, I traveled around the world. I got involved in many recreational activities and sports around the globe just to keep myself sane. Until I thought it was best to return here, where I could be close to my family, to my son.”

“Mrs. Smith, do you have any regrets? Do you wish you could have done things differently?” Jojo was the one who asked. Emerald forced a tiny chuckle. It was meant to be a scoff, but the question had overwhelmed Emerald.

“If I’m, to be honest, the five years with my second husband were one of my happiest days alive. But, my only regret…” She saw Alpha Lake, tall and handsome. She saw him smile, imagined how his laughter would have filled her ears with joy, imagined how he would have kissed her every morning before work.

She clutched the hem of her dress tight again.

“My only regret would be letting my son grow without a mother, even while I was alive.”Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.