Alpha Billionaire Series

MADII

The mall was packed with shoppers, which was annoying. I didn’t care for shopping much anyway, but Lexi and Crystal loved it. They'd drag me along on their shopping trips as if I was one of the girls, but I'd much rather have been hiking the Grand Canyon or riding dirt bikes in the desert.

I avoided a kid with a very messy ice cream cone and managed to keep my cool while walking through the crowd. Lex was on the hunt for a new bikini, and Crystal was along for the companionship. I was there because they refused to let me sit around and mope, and for the first time since the accident, I felt like they were right. I needed to be aroun other people.

The conversation had evolved from small talk to girl talk, and then Lexi turned to me with wide eyes and focused it right on me. “So, when are you going to date that hot doctor?”

I chuckled. If they only knew. “I'm not. Gavin and I are actually friends though. We have lunch—had lunch—quite often. But I'm not really going to be spending much time around the hospital anymore.” My heart sank. When Alice told me Drew had taken a turn for the worse, I had a million questions. She didn’t go into details, and that was fine. Knowing cold hard facts would only make it more real. Drew wasn’t coming back to me.

“So, there is no reason why you can’t date him?” Lexi poked me in the ribs and hooked her arm through mine, leading me into the candle and lotion store. It smelled of a hundred different pleasing fragrances, all mingled into one sweet scent.

“Leave her alone, Lex.” Crystal picked up a blue candle and took the lid off, smelling it. She offered it to me, but I pushed it away. “Madii, you need to just take your time. Mourning someone isn't easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. Jumping into another relationship could be dangerous.”

Crystal's words were sound wisdom. I really liked Gavin, but what happened the other night was spontaneous and probably a bit stupid. Just thinking about the way he touched me made my cheeks burn. I gave up that wild side of myself when I started dating Drew. I wasn't proud of my behavior, even if I could rationalize it as being emotionally vulnerable and needing comfort.

“So, you're not telling us something.” Lexi stood in my way, holding a bottle of lotion. She sniffed it, scrunched her nose, and closed the lid. “That's awful.” After she put the bottle back on the shelf, she turned on me. “I can tell by th look on your face that your mind is somewhere else. And given the blush on your cheeks, I'd say you've already done a bit of dabbling that you haven't told us about.”

Crystal cracked a smile and eyed me. “Is she right?”

My shoulders sank and I rolled my eyes as the grin spread across my face. I couldn't hide things from my best friend: no matter how hard I tried. We'd known each other for far too long. I tried to hide my deepening blush behind a cinnamon scented candle, but Lexi pulled it away.

“Dish.” She took the candle and set it down. “I want all the details.”

“God, Lexi. You're so pushy.” Crystal gave Lexi a playful shove and giggled. “But for real, tell us what happened.”

Both of them stared at me. I was not getting out of this.

“So, Gavin invited me over to his place for this symposium. It was online through his TV, so we just had takeout and watched the lectures. Of course, it was all bad news. Every lecture just made me feel worse and worse. I kept thinkin; how Drew was never coming back to me, and how Alice and my mom were pushing me to start my life again.”

I paused, biting my lower lip.

“And?” Lexi urged.

“And, before I left his house, I kissed him.” I tried to keep the rest from coming out, but they knew me better than anyone.

“That's not all. I can see it in your eyes. Why are you smirking?” Crystal offered a shocked smile as she pulled me down an aisle of scented bath salts, Lexi following closely. “What did you do?”

“We... uh, we kinda...” I stammered with my words, slightly embarrassed.

“You had sex with him?” Lexi let out a whisper shout, and two older ladies holding bottles of bath salt looked up at us in surprise. Both of them smiled and looked down as if they knew they'd overheard something they shouldn't have.

“Shhh!” I hissed behind my grin. “Yes, but God, do you have to tell the whole store?”

Lexi and Crystal high-fived and Lexi wrapped me in a huge hug. “I'm so happy for you. I never thought you were going to move on. It's so good to see you smiling again!”

I pushed her away gently and shared in the moment with them. It felt good to be a bit happier again, even if it mean leaving Drew behind. That bittersweet feeling crept across my face as a furrowed brow, which Crystal noticed. “What's wrong?” She stood in my way so I couldn't escape her keen eye.

“It's just that... Well, what if Drew wakes up? Does that mean I cheated on him?” The sick feeling rolling around my stomach was awful. Just the thought of breaking that promise to him hurt my heart.

“Listen... grief looks like a big gray box. On the outside it's ugly and painful, but when you open it up it's really just a box full of happy memories, right? That grief over Drew is just proof that he was real, and he was in your life. That's all that you need to know. Let the rest come naturally. Go at your own pace, and don’t let anyone push you. Not even Gavin.” Crystal glared at Lexi as she opened her mouth to reply.

“Or my mom I suppose.” I sighed. Maybe this moving on stuff really was what I was supposed to be doing.

And as if he could read my mind and know the exact perfect moment to call, my phone rang, and it was Gavin. I offered a wide-eyed expression to the girls and held a finger in front of my lips to shush them. Then I answered the call.

“Hey, Gavin” It was a bit awkward given the fact that I'd left his house the morning after sex and hadn't even seen him since. I was avoiding the hospital, but that had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me trying to move on. Still, he probably thought I was avoiding him.

“Hey, Madii. I haven't seen you around for a while”

Lexi made kissy faces at me, and Crystal yanked her away so I could have privacy. I watched them disappear across the store, and then glanced at the older ladies, who were absorbed in their shopping again.

“Yeah, well I'm taking your advice about moving on. No need to sit by his bed every single day if I'm going to let it go and heal, right?” I twirled a strand of hair around my finger as I spoke.

“I'm proud of you for making such a hard decision. But I miss you.”

His words pricked my heart. I missed him too, even though it was odd and awkward, and I really shouldn't be feeling what I felt. Just the sound of his voice made me feel more at ease.

“I miss you too. Days aren't the same without you popping in to remind me to smile.” It was hard not to smile.

“Well how about I remind you later this week, say over dinner?”

God, he melted me with his charm. “Is this another invitation where you woo me and make me do horribly naughty things with you on your couch? Or is it really just dinner?” F**k, did I just say that out loud?

I smacked my palm to my forehead. Who the fuck was I anyway? This was I8-year-old Madii, not 28-year-old Madison who is a thousand percent averse to dating older men. I had no idea how old he even was. I just knew the flecks of gray around his temples meant he was way older than me. And how old did a man have to be to become a neurosurgeon?

Gavin laughed. “I think I asked you if it was okay plenty of times.”

“Dinner it is then.” I pushed down the growing swell of anxiety in my chest and heard the giggles of my best friends behind me. I refused to turn around and look at them because I knew they would make my anxiety worse.

“Where would you like to eat?” Drew had never once asked me where I wanted to eat; he just planned things. So, it was nice being asked.

And suddenly the thought of Drew and comparing Drew to Gavin made my stomach lurch. In a heartbeat, the flirtiness was replaced with consuming guilt. My shoulders tensed; my mouth got dry. Major shame washed over me. “Uh... anything.”

“Are you okay?” Gavin's tone changed too to one of concern.

“I'm okay. Gavin, I just need you to know that this dinner—it's as friends only. Okay? I'm not sure I'm ready for this.” Without skipping a beat, he responded, “Of course, Madii. I wouldn't dream of pushing you if you're not ready. You really are a friend of mine, and I'd be delighted to take you to dinner just as friends.”

His tone was soft and kind, but I couldn't help but notice a hint of disappointment in his voice. That only brought on more guilt. Now I hadn't just cheated on Drew, I had also led a man on. God what was my problem?

“Good, so you text me the details and I'll be ready.”

“Sure thing. We'll talk soon.” Gavin hung up but I couldn't face my friends. I charged out of the store to hide, but they followed.

“What happened?” Lexi and I sank onto a bench in the mall common area, and Crystal stood beside us.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“l am going to dinner with him, and I really like him. So why do I feel so guilty?” I leaned forward, planting my elbow: on my knees and my face in my palms. “l am so stupid.”

“Hey, I can’t understand when you insult yourself if you're covering your face.” Lexi pulled my hands away. “So, say that again without your hands on your face so I can smack some sense into you, silly.”

I glanced up at Crystal who offered a sympathetic look. “You go at your own pace. If you start to feel odd, just end the evening. If you are enjoying it, go with the flow.” She shrugged her advice in my direction.

“Gosh, why does love have to be so fucking messy?” I buried my face again and felt Lexis hand smoothing over my back. Was I infatuated with the good doctor because he was the first man to take interest in me since Drew? Or did I really like him?

“Put it this way. If you are moving on, then just move. You know as well as anyone else that you and Drew had some sort of gold that most couples don't get. You may not strike gold again for I0 more guys, or Gavin could be the one. The only way you find out is to try.” Lexi’s hand rubbed circles on my shoulder blades.

“She's right, but I caution you to take it slow.” Crystal snatched my hand and pulled me up to a standing position. “Now let's go eat ice cream and try on every cute pair of heels in this mall. You need to have the perfect shoes for your date.”

“It's not a date!” I hissed, but I followed them, wondering what the f**k I was actually doing.

“It's a date!” Lexi squealed, clapping like a cheerleader.

For best friends, they sure could be pushy, but without them I would still be stuck in my misery and even this anxious uncertainty was better than depression. At least I thought it was. And maybe being loved by someone new was better than being alone, even if the transition hurt like hell.