Alpha Billionaire Series

MADII

Sitting around that table felt like home—Drew to my right, his mom to my left, Dad across the table. Alice had made : simple meal of spaghetti and meatballs, but she had also made homemade bread as well. Everything was delicious but I picked at my food, unable to force myself to eat. I managed to eat enough to convince Alice I was taking care of myself, with the excuse that I had a snack before I came because I thought dinner would be later.

Drew didn’t seem to notice. After eating hospital food for a few months, he seemed happy enough to pig out on the homemade meal, even taking my plate and finishing it off when there was nothing left for a third helping for him. Henry and Alice seemed to stare nervously at us and each other while eating. I wasn’t much for conversation anyway but the lull in anything audible—except the sound of silverware on plates—was excruciating. I tried to think of something to say that would spark at least a surface level conversation, but my brain didn’t want to cooperate with me. So, I pushed my food back and forth with my fork, hoping they would think I was eating.

“Oh gosh, it's so good to see you two around our table again.” Alice beamed. She sat with her elbows propped on the table holding her glass of red wine. Happiness was a good look on her. The smiles I had seen from her daily in the hospital had all been put on—forced, because hope was the only thing she had and offering hope in the form of a smile was her method of coping. But this smile wrenched my heart.

This smile told me she wanted her family back, the one that was supposed to continue to grow as Drew and I started our family. It made me nauseous. A few years ago, I would have told her that was the only thing I dreamed of too. Bu she had insisted I move on, and I had.

“Yes, well remember how much fun Lake Okeechobee was. The four of us boating and going to the parks? We hiked so many trails that week I thought Madii’s legs were going to fall off” Henry put his fork down and wiped his mouth, and Alice chuckled.

“Oh, I remember that day. Drew got a sunburn, and I had to use that aloe all over his back. Remember that honey?” Alice sipped her wine and turned to Drew. “Your skin was sticking to the sheets that night and you kept waking Madi up.”

“Yeah, that was miserable. Taught me to wear sunblock. But my favorite part of that trip was actually the crab legs wi got at that little diner. They were so sweet, remember that Madii?” Drew wiped his mouth with his napkin. I wasn't sure how to respond. Of course, I remembered that day. We had been so happy and in love. I just wasn’t feeling that same connection now.

“Yeah, I remember.” I remembered every moment with him. They had been painfully seared into my brain and I'd been reliving them for months on end. Now with Drew awake the fond memories had turned to torment. Every moment I had spent with him felt like a lie now. My heart wanted Gavin, no matter how much I tried to make it want Drew.

“Ah, and remember the time we went to that botanical garden?” Henry's words stabbed my heart.

“Dad, that was the day I proposed.” Drew reached over and took my hand, cold and clammy as it was. He smiled at me. “You remember that day, babe?”

I wanted to forget that day, to forget my past, to let my heart just have what it wanted, but every time I closed my eyes I saw Drew's face under that water, graying and lifeless. I nodded at him, but I felt like running away. The fact that I had been spending so much time with Drew because I felt guilty, and not because I felt in love with him, had never been more real to me.

“Can you all excuse me for a second?” Feeling tears welling up inside, I stood and smiled, gracefully exiting the room I made a beeline to the bathroom and locked myself in before the tears started, thankfully. I didn’t even notice if any of them had reacted, but I felt it was a good time to make my exit. Everyone was done eating the main course, and we would retire to the patio to have dessert, if it was anything like it used to be.

For now, I needed the privacy because something was burning in my gut that I needed to say. I closed the lid of the toilet and sat down, pulling my phone out of my pocket. I opened my messaging app and found the thread I had going with Gavin and started typing.

Madii 6:I7PM: Gavin, I know you're probably busy right now and I wouldn't blame you if you didn’t want to talk to me ever again. I just needed to say this to you before I lost my nerve. You are the most amazing man I've ever met. I hav been such an idiot. I know you told me so many times that Drew's accident wasn’t my fault and I think I just needed to come to it on my own. I know that now. I'm sorry for putting you through all of this. I've been helping him because I felt guilty, not because I loved him. I don’t want him, Gavin, I want you. Please say you'll forgive me. Please say you will take me back.

My finger hovered over the send button, shaking. I read and reread the entire message at least three times to ensure it said exactly what I wanted it to. I tweaked a few words for grammar, made sure the spelling was all correct, and then promptly deleted everything.

Tears dripped onto my phone screen just as it went black from not being used. What I had to say could not be said ir a measly text message. Gavin deserved better than that. He had been nothing but patient and understanding with me for so long, and I had left his house that night without even trying to understand his point of view. I was selfish. I let my own guilt needle away at me until it was the only thing I thought about. Drew became my project. If I could fix him, I wouldn't feel guilty anymore.

The problem was, it didn’t work that way because now I just felt guilty about cheating on him, and I still blamed myself for everything that had happened. My body, wracked with sobs, ached from the stress I'd been under for so long. I wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep. If only all of this were just a bad dream.

I looked at myself in the mirror—red puffy eyes and nose, tear-stained cheeks. Drew and Henry may be oblivious to bit of makeup touch-up, but Alice would see right through me. If I could sneak out the back and tell them I went home feeling sick I would, but in order to get to my car I had to pass right through the dining room where they all were. There was no way around that.

So, I stood and splashed water on my face. I tried as best as I could to fix my makeup with the little bit of Alice's makeup, I found in the medicine cabinet. After I tossed my hair to see if that would help, I gave up. There was no point in hiding anything. If I had to come clean tonight, I would. I just prayed I would have another day or two to put my thoughts together before all hell broke loose in my life and I was alone.

Once Drew found out I had been cheating on him he would leave. And I was pretty certain things with Gavin were over, even if I tried to repair them.

I unlocked the bathroom door and slipped out, tiptoeing toward the dining room to see if I could hear the tone of the conversation. If they were questioning why I had left so abruptly I would tell them I was feeling off, but that would only go so far if they detected I had been crying. So, I took a deep breath, pasted a happy face on, and rounded the corner.

Alice was seated alone at the table, hands folded in front of herself. She had a stern look on her face—a motherly look. She licked her lips and jerked her head to the side, indicating I should come in. Pointing at the chair, she said, “SE”

I had never heard Alice be firm with me like this. I'd seen her give Drew lectures before; she was his mother after all, but never me. She was never anything other than kind, funny, supportive, and encouraging. Like a puppy being scolded, I sat in the chair and dropped my chin. I was ready for whatever tongue lashing she would give me.

We sat in silence for a moment, and I heard Drew and Henry out the back shouting about something. It sounded like more fun and games, so I knew their mood was light. But the mood in the dining room was anything but light. Alice hadn't said another word, and I was beginning to feel like the end was near. When she finally did speak, my eyes jerked up to meet hers. They were full of tears.

“You need to tell him.”

“Tell who, what?” Playing dumb probably wasn't my best move, but I had created this entire facade of bravery and strength, it seemed stupid to just toss it away at that moment. Or maybe it was more denial on my part.

“Tell Drew it's over.”This content belongs to Nô/velDra/ma.Org .

I blanched.

I didn’t know what to say, so I sat there with my mouth hanging open, waiting for Alice to continue. The tears in her eyes spilled over as she reached for my hand to comfort me. “You're miserable, Madii. I can see it; Henry can see it. Soon, Drew will be able to see it also. You can't keep pretending that nothing is wrong, that nothing changed. You love Dr. Carpenter now. You are so happy with him. Drew will understand. What he won't understand is if you keep leading him on like this and then leave him anyway. You've done enough. Our boy has come home. It’s time to let hir heal the rest of the way.”

“But he will break.” My lip quivered as I blinked the tears away rapidly. My furious batting eyelashes couldn't keep uf and the tears sluiced down my cheeks once again. Only this time, I didn’t try to stop them or hide them.

“You will break,” Alice whispered as she squeezed my hand. “Honey, you're breaking now. You can't go on like this. You've not been eating. I wonder if you're sleeping. I spoke with your mother; she said you and your sister are arguing all the time now. Madison, you aren't happy. You've done all you can do now, and now you have to take care of yourself!”

“I did this...” The words came out as a wretched moan of a sob. If the term “ugly cry” was the way of saying you're hysterical, then I was “vomit crying” No one deserved to see this, which is why I'd been hiding it for so long, but I'd been doing this every night in my shower for weeks.

“You did not do this.” Her strict tone stung my heart. “Drew is a grown man, and he made his decisions. There were risks involved, and he signed that waiver just like you. He decided that loving you was worth the risk.”

I ground my napkin into my eyes to dry them, then blew my nose loudly. “I decided that he was worth giving up everything I thought I wanted for him, twice now. When he wanted to marry, I wasn’t sure, but I chose him. And now that he's back, I'll give up everything just to make sure he is okay.”

“No, you won't. I won't let you.” She pursed her lips and squeezed my hand harder. “I will tell him for you if you can't but he deserves to know. So, for the love of God, please just tell him. You will be happier, and so will he.”

My heart hurt as I nodded. When Alice made a promise like that, she meant to keep it. “Give me a few days." I stood, picking up my purse and wiping my face one more time. “Tell him I feel like I got food poisoning or something. I just have to go now.”

Without waiting for a response, I walked right out the front door and got in my car. I didn’t know whether to feel completely relieved or terrified that the worst was yet to come. I drove straight to Gavin's house, but he wasn’t home I thought about waiting for him, but it was getting later, and I was exhausted. All that would happen would be a huge argument anyway, so I headed home to shower.

With any luck, I would get through a few more days and have the courage and find the best time to tell Drew the trut! —before Alice decided to pull the trigger. I didn’t know where the courage would come from, but I'd mustered it before. I could do it again.