Alec’s

I curse the moon goddess for the hundredth time as I make my way back into the pack house. I hate this. I hate it so freaking much. I wish things were different. I wish things didn't happen the way they did. Maybe then I wouldn't be here.

I wipe the tears away, getting rid of all the evidence that for a moment I had been a weak teary mess. I haven't cried in a long time. I've always just tried to push everything down and focus on what had to be done. Focus on the present moment.

I haven't been back even a full day and already the walls I'd built to keep my emotions away were starting to crumble.

I walk through the pack house. Every corner of the place is haunted with memories I wish to bury and forget. All the good times I had with Piper. All the things we did together. All the happier times. Memories I had of Alec. They weren't all warm. He spent most of the time ignoring me like I didn't exist, but they were there. There were a few times I caught him smiling or laughing. Joking with pack members The happier times when we didn't carry the weight of the world.

My childhood, teenage years and part of my adulthood are deeply engraved in this pack. There isn't a place I could turn and I wouldn't find a memory to pull me back to the past.

Those happy memories became tainted when everyone, except Micah, turned their backs on me. I bury them because they bring me nothing but pain when I remember them. I bury them because they remind me of the deep betrayal that I endured from the so-called people I loved.

I rush through the space, intent on escaping those haunting melodies. The few pack members I pass by don't seem shocked to see me, but they do seem remorseful. I guess Alec told them the truth.

I ignore them. Not wanting to pass by any more of them, I focus my energy as Nyx taught me and teleport to the room that was assigned to me. I breathe a sigh of relief when I open my eyes, and I'm standing in the middle of the bedroom.

"Things will get better. You have to trust the goddess's plan," Nyx mumbles, popping in.

"It's hard to trust her when all I can think about is the mess she's made of my life."

She sighs. "It may seem so, but it will all make sense in the future."

Isn't that something that people say just to make themselves feel better about how out of control their lives are? Does it really get better? Because from where I am standing, I feel that if I don't get the hell out of this pack, things are only going to go downhill from here.

"I don't want to talk about it," I whisper tiredly and softly. What I want to do is to forget.

We are quiet for a while as I take off my clothes. I need another shower. One I wish would cleanse me of my bitter past.

"His wolf, Knox," Nyx begins just as I am heading to the bathroom. "He tried reaching out to me."

"And?"

To me, his wolf was just as guilty as the woman. There were times during the torture when he would come out. Something is wrong with those two. The things they did to me and the joy that shone in their eyes as they tortured me still makes me sick to this day.

"Nothing. I told him to fuck off and blocked him. I would have given him the middle finger if I had fingers," she says it so casually it makes me laugh.

Like I said, Nyx frustrates me most of the time, but I still wouldn't trade her for a different wolf.

"You know I fucking love you, right? Even though you drive me crazy at times," I mumble, feeling some of the tension leave me as water cascades down my body.

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbles dismissively, but then adds so silently I almost fail to hear it. "Right back at you, my beautiful human."This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

I finish showering and wrap a towel around my body. Going to the mirror, I do what I've been doing for the past three years whenever I get out of the shower. I focus on my scars. Especially the one on my face. After reminding myself of all the reasons why Alec is nothing but a monster, I leave the bathroom, so I can get dressed.

I'd just taken out my clothes from my suitcase when there is a knock on my door. I don't recognize the scent, but then again, I barely recognize any of my previous pack member's scent.

"Can I help you?" I ask the nervous looking brunette when I open the door.

"T-the Alpha and E-elders are requesting your presence in the alpha's office" she stammers the word.

With the way she was looking at me. With fear and remorse, I'm inclined to think she's not a new member. She was there when my life was turned upside down. I don't remember everyone. She's among those that I don't remember.