A Lifetime With You by Athrhteera

Alena

A few days had passed and I had somehow gotten used to doing nothing. Well, except for eating and rotting in bed watching movies. I had tried a couple of new recipes and felt pretty proud of myself, too. Back when I was working both shifts, day and night, I never had the time to do any of this. I never had the time to enjoy being alone, feeling as if I didn't have anything better to do.

My days were filled with activities and it had somehow made me enjoy the adrenaline rush.

I missed going to work and seeing my patients but at the same time, the maternity leave felt like it was needed to help ease my mind.

I knew I wasn't going to be able to do a great job when my mind wasn't stable.

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A knock on the door surprised me but I knew it could just be Mama. Mama

However, whe

when

I went to check, it was Alexei.

Mama knew my whereabout from Alexei. So, it wasn't odd that my dear brother was standing on the other side of the door.

I pulled the door open, revealing him in his usual attire; a shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a black slack ending nicely on his ankles. I couldn't miss the groceries he had in both of his hands but I didn't bother to ask him except than to invite him in. I closed the door behind him, "What are you doing here?

T

Good morning to you too, sis." He replied, looking at me.

The sly smirk was visible as I glared at him but he followed me to the kitchen like a lost puppy anyway. He had placed the bags of groceries on the kitchen island and I couldn't help but check them out-loving how much my kitchen was fully stocked up without having to get them myself.

New recipes were going to be tried out for sure.

Mama a

asked me to stop by with groceries."

"How thoughtful of you to listen."

"Don't really want you to starve."

My brother and I were always close since we were little. We bonded just like any other siblings out there but my sarcasm level may have reached over the roof.

brother's

I began to unpack the groceries and slowly place them where they belonged, some in the fridge and some in the kitchen cabinets. While I was busy eyeing the groceries, my dear brother was being staring at me; he seemed like he had a lot to say. nowadays.

Believe it or not, everyone seemed like they had a lot to say

Hignored his stare and continued to restock until the stare was annoying me.

"You know, it's really rude for you to stare." I said, turning to look at him.

Our eyes met in an instance and he didn't bother to look away as if I had caught him but instead, he remained in his spot. "Do you

know that he's miserable?"

09:18 Fri,

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion but caught up immediately

My brother meant his brother-in-law. None other than my husband. "Of course, you guys have been communicating behind my back? I guess my disappearance have brought the family closer together."

"I mean it, Alena. He looks like he hasn't sleep for days," he clenched his jaw.

"Maybe he hasn't. Have you tried asking?"

"Do you

think this is a joke? Do you enjoy being the centre of attention? People out there are worried about you and you seem to enjoy your time here." He replied, in a serious manner.

It appeared like our sarcasm had ended and we were back to being mature adults.

"I do, as matter of fact, enjoy being the centre of attention."

"Alena," he sighed.

"He doesn't have to keep looking for me. That's all."

Alexei shook his head, "What do you expect him to do? Continue on his life and pretend as if all of these never happened? He just lost his son."

"Incase you forgot, I just lost mine too."

"You are both grieving the loss of Marco. Believe me, the rest of the family are too." He continued to speak, the words felt Houd even though they weren't. I just couldn't accept how much they were true. "You can't keep doing this because you think it's right. You need to come back home." "I'm doing this for myself, Alyosha. I'm putting myself first," I replied.

"By hurting others? You were never this selfish."

I slammed my hands on the kitchen island, "Since when is putting yourself first considered selfish? Why can't I be alone to clear my head? Why can't I leave anyone behind so that I can thrive forward?"

"You don't just tell someone you love that you're leaving for good, disappear from the surface of the earth and call it putting yourself first, Alena. That's bullshit if you ask me."

I faked a laugh, "He was never going to let me go."

"Of course. He's e's your husband. Why on earth would he let you go?"

"You don't have to keep on defending him,"

"I'm

not. I'm saying what I think is right."

"And, I'm the bad guy, huh?"

Alexei continued to look at me as he sighed, as if he was out of words to say.

Ever since I was here alone, I had longed for my husband more than before I missed the way he would hold me close to his body, I missed the way he would caress me to sleep, I missed the way he would make me smile and most importantly, I missed the way he put me first. It was stupid of me to ever leave that man behind.

Yet, I had made my choice and I needed to follow through. At least, until I was better in terms of how I was thinking-being together now was only going to hurt him.

19:18 Fri,

"You should let him know where you are. It'll ease his worries," he responded.

"Don't you dare tell him, Alexei."

"I'm asking you to tell him yourself. As much as I want to bring him here and drag your ass home, I actually respect your decision. You have your reasons, the reasons that I may not understand and agree with but I won't try to do anything without your permission." I smiled, knowing I could still trust my brother.

We stayed quiet for a few seconds as I stared out the window, images of Matteo began to fill my head.

"How is he?" I asked, truly concerned.

"Not so good."

"When did he come to see you?"

"He came to my office a couple of days ago. We talked for awhile and he asked for my help. I have never liked the Italians, Alena but when he begged for me to find you, I could see that he loves you so much." He replied, "And I know he's suffering, too." Matteo. My Matteo.

"Don't make me feel bad."

I'm not. I'm just stating the truth."

I scoffed, "What do you know about love? You've been sleeping with countless women."

"I may not be the perfect person to tell you about love, Alena but I know what I saw. I know when a man is madly in love. I know when a man prioritises his woman more than himself. Even a blind person can see that when it comes to Matteo." "You're so good with words, huh?" "I'm your brother, aren't I?"

I kept quiet, staring at the window without saying anything else.

I needed a few more days to think and enjoy my peace before I could start to decide on whether returning home was a good choice. Sooner or later, I needed to go home anyway because of my career but I had to know where home was first. Was it with Matteo? Where we had planned our future together. Was it back to my old apartment? Where I had put my hopes high on my own future.

If I chose Matteo, we could move forward with our lives and be better. We could learn to love again and fixed the broken parts. We were always in love with each other even before we lost Marco and all we needed was to push through.

If I chose myself, Matteo was going to have a hard time accepting that. It would take him months or even years to finally let go but eventually, I knew he was going to respect my decision and set me free. Then again, what if I missed him more when he had moved on?

What if I needed him back when he had stopped needing me?

was

s afraid of the outcome from my choices. One of the reason why I had been delaying everything and just decided to enjoy my time here-even if it meant I had to let Matteo suffer on his own trying to find me. G

I felt bad for letting him suffer that way.

Deep down inside me, wanted to pick up my phone and call him; let him know where I was because I knew he was never going to waste a second. I knew he was going to forgive me when he got here. I knew I was going to be able to feel his body again. I knew all of that because my husband was always mine.

I had been listening to my ego for the past few days.

It literally got me nowhere.

"I can see that you're deep in thoughts," Alexei said, breaking the silence.

"And it's always best to keep our thoughts to ourselves."

He ignored my response as he made his way towards the fridge, reaching out to the bowl of strawberries and chocolate.

As much as I tried to stop him from grabbing my favourite snack, he was quicker.

"Don't eat that. That's mine!" I exclaimed.

I had always cursed my brother for being tall, at least six feet. He could carry things out of my reach even though I jumped high enough and he was doing the same with my strawberries.

"You have to learn to share."

""You never share!"

For once, we felt like how we used to be. Kids.