The Soldier Next Door

It has been tough since I spoke to Ana. I can honestly say that I have pushed Emma away since then. Now, I wish I can say that I don’t know why. But I do.

I still have feelings for Ana.

Now, what feelings? I have been too scared to think about it. I have been too scared to explore my heart to find out what they are.

We have three months and a week to go; things have been what I expected. The excitement, the passion, and the risks. But what I have not expected is Emma. Now, this is another feeling I am now scared to explore.

And that brings me to this. Why do I need a woman to make me a man? Why do I need a woman to make me forget about another? Not that I am saying that Emma is a rebound, but I have heard the stories going around at camp.

Now Emma and I have not gone all the way yet, and now more than before, I am asking myself why? What has changed that I don’t desire her so badly?

I wish I knew all the answers.

As for something else that has just…changed… I don’t want to go out on a mission. This does worry me the most. Are these two women making me want what I normally would want the most? Are they making me want it less?

Are they messing with my head…and dare I say my life?

Needless to say, I am a ball of emotion, and perhaps that is a good idea if I don’t go out. So, after trying to clear my head for hours under the damn tree. I make my way over to the ops tent. As I get halfway, I am met with Emma.

“Lieutenant, I was just bringing you your coffee.”

“Thanks, Emma,” I take the warm cup of coffee from her. Now I would normally wait for her under the tree, but today I thought I would run away before she even gets there. I think by now that she has started to sense that something is different, but she has not yet said a word.

The thing I need to ask myself. What happens after camp? What happens when our six months are over? Where does she go, and where do I? I know that I am going back home to Matty and my parents. Where does she go? Will she come with me if this does get more serious?

I guess we never thought about that. Perhaps it is time to ask.

“Emma, I will see you after the mission?”

“Are you not coming with?”

“No, I am sitting this one out. Lopez is not feeling so well, so I would rather stay.”

She knows I am talking bullshit, but hey, I am giving myself as much distance as I need.

“Sure, I will get you in your tent?”

“Sure. Now please be careful out there.”

“Always are, Lieutenant.”

With that, I turn around and make my way into the ops tent. I can see Lopez smiling at me and only shakes his head.

“Trouble in paradise already?”

“No, more like Ana trouble in paradise.”

“Don’t tell me you are still hung up on that telephone conversation?”

“Ya, that very one.” I stop for a few moments to try and find the right words to say this, “Do you think I am making a mistake with Emma. I mean, everybody is saying that she is a rebound.”

“Hey, she is a fucking hot rebound.”

“You are not helping me. Be honest here.”

“I think Ana did you wrong, but then again, love forgives all. You just need to decide whom you love because I hate to be the one to tell you; you know that it is starting to build between you and Emma.”

“Why do you always have to be so fucking honest?”

He only but laughs at me as we head outside in the goddamn pouring rain to brief the men before the mission. And guess what, just to make it worse, the damn man makes me speak.

And speak I do with soft stutters, “Boys, the shit is wet outside there. Keep your heads down and dry and take those fuckers out. I want that entire street cleared and when I say clear, level those fucking buildings. The only people walking out there are you. Now go get them. Oorah!”Material © of NôvelDrama.Org.

Well, with that, if they thought that my head was not in the game, now it for damn sure is. As I give Emma one last glance and smile at her, the Humvees start filling up, and the boys move out.

Now the agonizing hours begin.

We move back inside and take our sides next to the radios. Now there are two that stay behind in the Humvee, obviously the driver and one that can man the gun if need be. Now this man needs to radio in frequently to give us an update on the mission.

And the times between those updates are the worst, for anything can happen in a second.

The first radio comes in just before they drive into town. Lewis is still chirpy, and all seems to be going fine. They need to travel in about six blocks before they get to the street that they will move down today. Now, the first five we have cleared already; today, we do the sixth.

What is supposed to happen is the Marines in the Humvees will clear the building just to make sure that there are no civilians inside. Then after that, our big green trucks, yes, I still call it that, but they shall move in and level the building. And so they will go until every building has been cleared and leveled.

Then, just as they are about to reach the sixth street, Lewis radios in again.

“Lieutenant. Come in.”

“Go ahead, Lewis.”

“We are clear. Over.”

“Say again. Over.”

“No resistance, we are clear. Over.”

“Roger. Over. Out.”

Now we wait for them to turn onto the streets, from where the Marines will move out in between the buildings. This is a critical stage for you do not know who is standing and waiting to aim at you. Being taken out between the Humvee and the building’s entrance is always a big risk.

And this has my damn nerves in a ball. You do not feel this when you out there. You have the adrenaline and excitement pumping through your body. This, here, waiting is nearly unbearable.

Then next Lewis radios in again.

“Lieutenant. Come in.”

“Go ahead, Lewis.”

“We have infiltrated. Over.”

“Roger. Over. Out.”

The boys are safely into the buildings now. So I sent out a few more squads than we normally do to get this one over and done with as soon as possible. The weather is definitely not on our side, and the boys are feeling a bit more edgy since we received news that the occupation inside the city has increased. They will soon be infiltrating into these small little towns. The quicker that we can clear and level them, the better.

So, yes, we are all not feeling it, and me especially with my own personal problems. But that aside, I need to get the boys through this. They should now be moving onto the second and third floors of the building; the chances for resistance is far greater now, for the enemy would sit higher than level.

I look at Lopez, and he points to his watch; they have gone over a minute that they have not radioed in yet, so I grab the radio.

“Lewis. Come in.”

“Go ahead, Lieutenant.” But I am taken aback by him being out of breath.

“Status. Over.”

“Taken fire. Over.”

“Is it under control. Over.”

“Affirmative. Over.”

“Roger. Over. Out.”

Well, that just send me on my last nerve. I feel like jumping into my own Humvee and take chase to go help them. But the boys are very capable, and they have it all under control. So much to Lopez’s annoyance, I start to pace the length of the tent, patiently waiting for the next update. And the next update does not seem to come soon enough. I show for Lopez to radio, but he comes back only moments later, giving me the sign that all is clear now.

“Well, thank fuck. Do they have everything under control?”

“Yes, they are approaching the last two buildings. The boys will be back soon.”

Now, next, I make my first big mistake. I sigh a breath of relief.

Second, I take the next call from Lewis.

“Lieutenant. Come in.”

“Go ahead, Lewis.”

This time there is a completely different emotion in his voice…fear.

“Lewis. Status. Over.”

“Man down. Over.”

“Fuck. Who?”

“Emma. Over.”

“Is she…”

Then the damn radio goes dead.

“Lewis. Come in.”

Only static.

“Lewis. Come in.”

Still nothing but static.

“Fuck Lewis. Come in.”