The Soldier Next Door

I watch as my phone is persistently lighting up with Ana’s name. There is the biggest desire to just ignore her and pretend that she never called. But she has phone three times now and it does have me rather concerned.

So as I watch Emma disappear down the camp, I swipe up and take Ana’s call.

“Hey, Ana.”

“Hey, Ethan. I did not think that you would answer.”

“Well, you did phone three times, so I thought that it would be pretty pointless ignoring you.”

I hear as she bursts out laughing. Now, that is a sound that I have not heard in a while. I can only imagine how she is holding her chest as the laughter start rumbling from deep in her belly. She always did know how to brighten one’s day with one of those deep heartfelt displays of complete happiness.

Does this then mean that she is happy? I think there is a part of me that thought that she might be phoning because James have left her heartbroken. But, let me not jump to a conclusion yet.

“So, to what do I owe this phone call?”

“I wanted to check how you are doing?”

“That I it?”

“Yes, why?”

“No, I just thought…”

“That I would phone you because my heart is broken?”

“Yes, something like that.”

Then she goes and she does it again. Why the fuck is she doing this? To mess with my head?

“So, I guess that things between you and James are still going strong?”

“Do you seriously want me to talk to you about another man.”

“Perhaps not, I just want to know if you are still happy.”

“Yes. And I am sure that the day that I am not, I will probably phone you with that broken heart.”

“Well, I will then say that I will be honoured. Now, forget about how I am doing, how are you?”

And she knows in an instant that I am no longer talking about James. I, and I can honestly say this, is still far from okay with losing our baby. That is something that Emma knows, and I am sure the rest of the camp too. It is one of those things that I do not mention because it hurts like shit still. And I have not really spoken to Ana since she told me, so I don’t know how she is feeling.

“How do you feel about it, Ethan?”

“Ana, we are talking about you. I am a man, I am hard ass. But I know that you are gentle and you pretend to be hard ass and you really suck at pulling it off.”

“Geez thank you. But yes, I have been pretty sucky at showing that I am okay. I think the mornings are the worst for me.”

“How so?”

“It reminds me of the morning sickness. It is weird how it can be one of the things that you enjoyed.”

“Now that sounds seriously messed up, but I must admit it was the times that I laughed at you the most.”

“You know which one made me laugh the most?”

“No?”

“The big ugly green truck with all the tyres and big gun.”

I nearly topple over and of my bed from the laughter. Even though it brings a sting to my heart, I can remember that day like it was yesterday.

“Ya, that was a bit embarrassing. At least that bum is not so big anymore.”

And maybe I should have not said that for now I have images in my head that should not be there at all. From everything on her body, apart from those full velvety lips, she has one of the sexiest asses I have ever seen and god, even touched.

“Fuck, I did not mean it like that, Ana.”

“No, don’t worry.”

Then she goes quiet for several seconds, I know that she has something on her mind, but I am not going to pressure her for the last thing I want now is start having an argument with her since we are having a strangely pleasant conversation.

Then out of complete nowhere she asks me the question, that I wish I never had to ever speak to her about.

“So Lewis’ girlfriend says that the girl that helped you out with the mole is back at camp.”

Fuck!

“Yes she is, she is part of Gibbs’s squad now.”

“Oh, do you still go out with them.”

“I did not for a while but I started now with the last mission.”

“That is good, but I am sure you have your handful with the boys after her.”

“Not really. I, well, I forbid them to even try. She is a pretty strong girl, she wont fall for any of their advances.”

Then she goes quiet for several seconds again, I know what the next question is going to be. So I patiently wait for her to ask.

“So, Lewis’ girlfriend said that you kind of have something going on with her.”

“Ana, I am not going to lie to you, we have been intimately together. I have been spending a lot of time with her.”

“Do you love her?”

God, what kind of question is that. What do I say? I have not even thought of something this far. I mean I have only been with Emma for a couple of weeks now. We have not even come close to, well we have definitely thought about it, but we have not has sex yet.

This has just now become an awkward conversation.

“I don’t know what I feel for her.”

It is a lie. I do. But here is the thing. And I remember this conversation very well. And I remember the fight even better.Content provided by NôvelDrama.Org.

It is said that you simply cannot wake up one morning and decide that you do no longer love someone, but what do you do when you wake up and realize that you love someone more than you should…when you love the woman that is forbidden fruit…

Is Emma forbidden fruit? Well, that depends, or does it? I can see with all honesty that I do still love Ana, but I am feeling something for Emma. How do I tell the one woman you love that you might love another?

You don’t.

“Ana, I promise you that you shall be the first one to know, if this messed up heart ever sorts itself out.”

“No, don’t ever feel that you have to do that. I was, well, maybe a little bit jealous, but I cannot sit and expect you to not move on.”

“Then let me ask you this, do you love James?”

“I think I do.”

“Well, then promise me the day that you know, you will tell me too. We might not be able to be lovers, but maybe we can be friends.”

“Ethan, you know that a man and a woman cant be friends, especially if they come from where we did.”

I don’t know if I should take this as a rejection, I am trying to show her that I am here for her no matter what. Yes, if we do move on completely, it does not mean that we cannot still be friends. We shared a very traumatic experience together, which was once the best time of our lives and there is nothing and no one that can take that away.

“Ana, can I tell you one thing though. I know that I can say for definite that I love you, I still do and god knows that I will always.”

“Then why are we not together?”

“I think you know the answer to that. But also, we have met new people in our lives and we at least owe it to them to try and see what they really mean to us. You would not be with James just for the fact of being someone, would you?”

“I guess so.”

“Emma, well, one day when I feel comfortable, I will tell you about Emma. She is not your, she will never be you. And she will never take away what we had.”

Then I hear a loud thud of a door opening and closing behind her and someone calling after her.

“Ethan, I must go. James is home. It was nice talking to you. Please take care. I will phone you when I get a chance again.”

With that she drops the call leaving me with two thoughts, why is she hiding her phone call from James, and two, why did she really phone me?

But that is pushed to the back of my mind as the thought of loving another woman comes rushing back to my mind.

Do I love Emma?

Is it lust of is it love?

If I have to lay the picture of two woman next to each other on a table, if I stare at it long enough and let the feelings that I feel for them pour out of my heart. If I can find them in my soul, if there is such a bond between me and one of them. Which picture would I pick up from the table? Which woman would it be?